When We Began
by pheobe p
Summary: We won't flaunt it but we won't hide it" sounded easier than it was, especially when they were just getting used to "it" themselves
1. Chapter 1

. . . . . .

Derek Venturi leaned back against the hood of his car, closed his eyes and turned his face to the warmth of the late-afternoon sun.

He'd raced out of practice to get to the parking lot early, and now Casey was late. _Figures. _

"Later Venturi"

"See ya D"

"Later D"

He raised one hand to acknowledge the good-byes without bothering to see the people who said them. A lot of the younger grades – freshmen and sophomores mostly—said hi and bye to him when he didn't even know who they were. His popularity sort of bored him now—but maybe he was just weaning himself from it. He didn't have much longer left at J Sparrow Thompson, and he didn't want to be one of those pathetic losers who cling to their old glory days of high school.

"Bye Derek," came a feminine voice, but not the one he was waiting for.

_God, what the hell was Casey doing in there?_ He thought he hated waiting for her before they were …together…. Now that he actually wanted to see her the waiting was about a million times worse.

He squinted towards the back door leading to the school library and his peripheral vision caught Casey's ex, Max, trudging to his own car. _Oh God_, Derek thought, _I so don't need this shit yet. Just get your sad ass in the car and drive away._ Derek's jaw tightened and he folded his arms in front of his chest. Max didn't know of course. No one did yet. "We won't flaunt it but we won't hide it," the two of them had decided. Derek just didn't trust his ability to follow the "won't flaunt" half of that policy when it came to Max.

When the shiny convertible –_no doubt Max's daddy bought the douche bag the car_ – _asshole didn't have a job_ – when the shiny convertible passed the two boys nodded to each other. Max looked sad, the way he'd been looking a lot of the time lately. Derek did his damndest not to grind his teeth and snarl at the guy. Hell, there wasn't a reason to anymore. But all the repressed emotion from before, when Max still had Casey, just seemed to ooze out now that Derek had accepted those feelings.

Still, he didn't want to blow this _thing_ with Casey. Whatever was between them was new, and awkward, for both of them, but damn, it was _good_. Derek hadn't ever felt this great before in his life. He wanted to do this right.

. . . . .

Casey McDonald had a pile of books in her hands when she walked out the back doors of the school and into the slanting sunlight of the school parking-lot. The heavy strap to her book bag was biting into her shoulder and her jacket pocket was crammed with photocopies from the three remaining books on British romantic literature that the school librarian had refused to check out to her. _Cheerleading hadn't built up the muscles that doing this paper was going to give her._

"Stupid school library and the stupid book limit." How on earth was she supposed to adequately cover the Romantic Era poets with only a measly fourteen books on the subject?

"Jeez, Case, did you leave some for the rest of the school?"

"What?! Oapf!" She slammed into her stepbrother's sweaty chest and promptly dropped the handful of books onto the ground. "De-rek!"

She was surprised, when she dropped to the ground to pick up the books, that Derek was already there stacking them for her.

"Here," he smirked and she could hear the laughter in his voice. But, when their eyes met he sobered up. "Sorry."

Their lips were just inches away from each other and she could taste a little of his breath in hers. Her face flushed red.

"Oh, that's okay," she said quickly.

Lately they were extremely careful about coming into such close proximity of each other, unless they were in one of their rooms with the door closed and locked. Things had a way of getting away from them with only the slightest provocation. Usually they ended up in bed together, naked, sweating and gasping for air without any idea which one of them had "started things" or how loud they had been ending those same "things".

The two teenagers stood and warily took a step back from each other.

Derek broke the tension with a smirk, "Yeah". One hand scratched the back of his head. "Anyway, I'm here to pick you up."

Casey smiled softly at him.

Although nearly everything about the practice of their lives was the same—he always drove her home late on Tuesdays after hockey practice and more often than not she tripped or bumped into things and he made fun of her--everything was also so completely different between them that they almost could be two completely different people who were just pretending at the old routines.

He looked around them—just a few stragglers walking to their cars and none paying attention to the step siblings. He took her books from her. "Okay, let's go."

Inside the car, she fiddled with the radio until he stopped her, "Wait, I like that song."

"Oh yeah. Me too." God, half the time she wasn't sure how to act around him anymore. She didn't feel like fighting with him the way that she had. He wasn't provoking her as intensely either.

"So why all the books?"

"Honors thesis."

"How long is that going to take you tonight?"

"Umm, Derek? I'll probably be working on it for a couple months not just tonight."

"Seriously? Brutal." When he smirked at her she backtracked and decided that things really weren't all that different between them. He was still Derek. She was still Casey. They were just a little more open about what had been there all along.

She leaned back against the seat, staring at his profile. "I told Emily I would hang out. I'll probably have dinner there too."

His eyes cut to her. "Oh, okay. That's fine." He looked back out the windshield and frowned before finishing, "I mean, I guess you don't need like my permission or anything."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you since usually," Casey cleared her throat, "I mean, lately that's sort of been our time," her voice got a little unsteady and she bit at her lip. "It's not like I expect…" her voice got a little high and her eyebrows climbed her forehead. "Umm…should we not tell each other about plans changing or 'not plans' changing? Is that too relationshippy or…"

"No that's fine." He looked a little panicked at her ramble. "I want to know that stuff. I want to do this. I do."

Casey reached out and placed a hand on his thigh. He covered it with his own and drove one handed. She couldn't believe this was them now. It all happened so fast.

One minute, she's making the unsteady decision to break things off with her perfect boyfriend—effectively ending her brief stint with popularity.

The next minute, she's inexplicably leaning against her hated step-brother's shoulder for support.

"_Oh god, I've made a horrible mistake haven't I Derek? Haven't I?" _ Oh by no means was she getting the support, _"So let me get this right, Case? You made a decision to be 'yourself' again and you can't even handle one night of 'yourself'! Welcome to my world!" _Cue the fight that she really needed to relieve her stress instead of the warm shoulder. And, finally, that third minute…. _Oh God!_

Of course, the entire exchange was quite a bit more than three minutes. The fighting part alone lasted for a good 2 hours. There were a lot of sneering lines about being 'yourself' and being 'real' and a lot of accusations thrown in both directions before…just…_Oh God!_

She had been building so slowly in the whole physical aspect of her relationship with Max. She had wanted her first time to be something special with champagne and soft music – graduation night was what she had been aiming for…

That sort of all went out the window with Derek. What he brought out in her was completely insane. Casey let out a little snort of laughter. And, even though he had no idea what she was thinking, Derek laughed a little too. There was something a little self-conscious in his smile—_maybe he knew what she was thinking after all_.

They both relaxed just a little from the tension that had been stalking them.

. . .

"Okay, I need to tell you something important," Emily's voice rose into her pre-squee chirp. Obviously she wanted the important thing she had to say to end with Casey and her clasping hands and doing the happy scream that drove Emily's father nuts. "Something I've decided…"

They were both sprawled lazily on Emily's bed. Casey had been flipping through a magazine, not really scrutinizing the clothes and hair styles the way she usually did because her mind was off day dreaming – a common problem these days. She bit back the sigh that threatened to leak out. "What was that Em?"

"Hello?" Emily waved a hand in front of Casey's blissed out face. "Did you miss the word important and the scream-priming bounce here?"

"I'm sorry Em," Casey wiped the absentminded smile off her face and crunched her eyebrows together. "You've decided something important…"

Emily gave the bed another bounce as she sat straighter. "Ever since Sheldon left I've been a little down in the dumps, you know."

Casey nodded and her forehead creased in sympathy. "Are you worried that you might not meet anyone that you like quite as much?" When Emily twisted her hands together, Casey sat up next to her friend and put an arm around her.

"There is, however, ever been only one guy that I could ever like more than Sheldon," Emily said and Casey stiffened.

"Emily…if you're thinking what I think you are…" the warning trailed off. She wasn't sure if her friend was going back to the same torch she'd carried for all the years before Sheldon. Casey didn't want to say Derek's name if she didn't have to because it was still so damn new – she wasn't even sure how to think about her stepbrother anymore let alone talk about him. For sure she couldn't handle another girl, her best friend, getting all ga ga over him.

"I just want to try and go for it one last time, Caseeeey." Emily dragged her hands, clasped like in prayer, in-between them, "and I want you to help me…pleeeeese Casey?!"

"You mean Derek, right?" Casey just wanted to clarify; in case there was any chance at all she was getting that sick feeling in her stomach over nothing.

"Of course I mean Derek!" Emily nearly shouted and did her own little half of the happy squeal that the two of them usually shared.

"I think that's a terrible idea, Emily" Casey couldn't believe that was her own voice sounding so harsh against her friend's excitement but she couldn't stop herself either. "He doesn't like you. He's _never_ liked you. Nothing's changed on the Derek front, Em, and …and…" her voice was getting a little breathy and shrill… "Sheldon is barely…I mean…he's barely like…moved…barely cold in the grave... and here you are back to…" She was going to hyperventilate. She really was. Emily was looking at her bug eyed—_as she should be!_

Casey took a big breath.

"Emily, I have to tell you something. I wasn't really prepared to tell anyone yet but…"

Emily just stared back. Mouth opened and eyes bugged. "Did you just say Sheldon was cold in the grave?"

Casey could tell that she hadn't appreciated the brutally honest approach at all and Casey couldn't even lie to herself that the brutal honesty wasn't actually more of a possessive rant in the first place.

"Listen Em, I'm really sorry." Casey deflated a little because she knew that what she was going to tell her friend next was going to really hurt.

Emily laughed a little "Oh Casey, I know…it's an expression…" she was ready to chalk her friend's extreme reaction off as just another quirk.

Casey cut her off first, "But the thing is that I—oh God—I don't want to tell you this but you need to hear it – um" Casey took another big breath "Derek and I are together." Casey paused to register the blank expression that Emily gave her. "I know it's hard to believe. It's hard for me to believe. But…"

"You're together?" It was like Emily had no idea what Casey was telling her, like the concept of her best friend and her step brother being "together" was so foreign to her that it was nonsensical.

"It's only been about a week." Casey wasn't sure what would make this easier for her friend to accept without twisting the knife in her life-long crush.

"I'm so sorry that I never really knew so I could warn you…we've had feelings all along."

Emily just shook her head and clamped her mouth shut.

Casey was floundering now, "Of course you must have seen it? I hope you did at least. Even a little? Derek and I are so stubborn—we sort of wondered if everyone knew already? Maybe was just waiting for the two of us to realize..." her voice trailed away self-consciously.

_Damn she was just making it worse! _She couldn't shut up though. She wanted to erase the look of horror and blame on her best friend's face. "The whole thing just seems so obvious to the two of us, me and Derek, now that we acted on it." She wanted Emily to hug her and tell her that of course she had always seen what was between the two step-siblings and wasn't it about time that they all acknowledged it. But it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Emily stood up and put her hand on the door. "I'm sort of freaking out here, Casey." She held the door open and Casey stood. Obviously, Emily wanted her to leave. "This is just such a shock and …" Emily almost looked like the old Emily for a minute. "I just need to get used to it I guess." Casey watched her friend's eyes fill with tears and her heart broke for her.

"Emily, I'm so sorry about this. I didn't have any idea that you still felt so strongly about…"

"Would that have made a difference?" Emily scoffed. And the tears were spilling on her cheeks now.

"No. I guess not." Casey's throat was so dry that the words were rough. She thought about saying sorry again but then realized it would be better to leave and give her friend some privacy.


	2. Chapter 2

. . . .

They were already at the dinner table: Edwin trying to drown his pork chop in barbeque sauce, Lizzie scowling at the meat and piling stuffing on her plate in its stead and Marti arranging her vegetables into a smiley face before she ate them.

"Casey?" Nora called out when the door opened.

"Yeah, Mom."

"I thought you were eating with the Davis family tonight?"

Casey came into the dining area with her eyes down on the ground in front of her. _Derek knew that tell; she was getting ready to lie_.

"Oh, I guess Emily forgot to mention that to her mom and I didn't want to impose…"

"Well, you can have Lizzie's pork chop and Edwin's carrots…Marti even set a plate for you."

"That's for Daphne!" Marti piped up.

"Daphne and Casey can share, Marti" George smiled but Marti started giving her plate a green bean scowl.

No one seemed to be aware of the lack of color in Casey's cheeks or the slightly numb reactions she had to the family's banter. Derek sighed.

Except for when he was purposely hiding something, he hated how completely dense his family could be. "You okay?" he tried to ask her softly. Unfortunately, it was so out of character for him that all the table talk ceased.

Casey's eyes flashed up at his in a kind of horror.

"Casey, is something wrong?" Nora asked, breaking the moment.

"Just really wanted a special evening with my friend, Mom. No big deal," Casey sighed and plastered a fake smile on her face. Nora seemed satisfied and they all went back to eating, except for George who stared at Derek.

_His lawyer face_! Derek thought. But Derek didn't slip up again. Instead, he flung a bean into Edwin's barbeque moat.

The sauce splattered across the table.

"_Der-rek!"_

. . . . .

He decided to wait until their parents, especially his dad, went to their bedroom in the basement before he came upstairs to her.

He stared at the hockey game from his recliner and tried not to rub at his hair because he knew that gesture always gave him away as worrying. Something had happened with Emily, that was obvious and he wondered if it had to do with him. _Probably did_, he decided.

He hadn't said anything to Sam or Ralph yet, was sort of hoping that something he did or said would give it away without him having to out-right tell them. _Hell, if he could never talk about it that would be fine with him! _Not that he didn't want to talk about her—because he _really _wanted to talk about her. He'd had a hell of a time _not_ bringing her up the last week, as a matter of fact. But it was the whole, "Dude, she's your step-sister", "She's _Casey!_" he wanted to avoid. _The crap he was going to take because of the way he's always treated her!_ He could avoid _that_ forever. When he sighed his dad looked up from the legal papers he was editing at him.

"Something on your mind, Son?"

_Shit!_ "Ah, school, you know," Derek stretched and yawned when he said it. Even though his heart was pounding he tried to play like his usual bored, apathetic self. "College scouts are going to be coming to the games and looking me over."

"I thought your coach said they've probably already decided based on Junior year."

"Well, yeah but…" His dad had actually set aside the legal papers and had turned to talk to him now. _Shit! Shit! Shit!_ "I guess senior year stuff too…I'll be hearing from schools and having to decide and …"

Derek was pissed at himself for doing such a shitty job at staying under his dad's radar since dinner, and the anger was leaking into his voice. "Oh crap, Dad, I don't know okay. I'm just tired, right now." Great, now he was being an asshole to his father all because he couldn't keep a damper on all these emotions.

"Aren't things going well at school? You and Casey both seem a little down tonight and you've both been in such good moods—even getting along—lately."

Derek shrugged. "I don't know what's up with her, exactly." At least he sounded and felt genuine when he said that. _And not too concerned either_, he congratulated himself—he could still deflect his dad from connecting the two of them if he kept his cool. He kept his eyes on the game and his dad was silent.

"Senior year can be bittersweet," his dad finally said. Derek wanted to throw his head back and groan in relief. That sounded like the end of this little father and son chat. His dad picked up his papers again.

Casey and his, "Don't flaunt it but don't hide it" approach to the outside world was one thing, but neither Derek nor Casey was all too excited about letting their family in on what had changed between the two of them.

"_I just want this to be only ours for a while…a week maybe…if we tell them then they're going to want to give us advice and rules and …"_

_They were lying in bed together just after sex. He would have agreed to anything she suggested right then but the "advice and rules" part convinced him too. He could picture it playing out with their parents exactly that way. _

"_Yep," he combed his fingers through his hair to loosen where his bangs had plastered to his forehead. "After a week…or two…" He looked down to where she was tucked into his side. Her own hair was a little sweaty on the brow as well. He moved his fingers from his own scalp to hers._

"_Anyway, I need to be able to be alone in a room with you without …jumping you."_

"_I thought I jumped you this time?" she said smiling. Her lips looked swollen from the friction with his own mouth. He had to taste her again. _

"_Maybe you did," he whispered. He rolled on top of her again. _

Finally his dad yawned and got up. He placed a hand on Derek's head in a sort of pat before going towards the basement. "Turn the television off when you go upstairs."

"'Night, Dad." Thank God.

The light was off in her room, but on in his. When he opened the door, she smiled up at him from his bed, a library book in her hand. "I told Lizzie I was going to sleep so I had to turn my light off."

He just smirked at her. "You're getting good at this sneaking thing."

Her brow wrinkled; she wasn't going to take that as a compliment. "We aren't sneaking, remember?"

"After they figure it out we will be," he answered and sat down near her, leaned over to kiss her. Against her mouth he whispered, "If you want to spend the night or be in here with the door closed we're going to have to sneak, Casey."

His mouth found her neck and he took the book from her hands and threw it to the floor. "Hey!" she protested but her arms went around his neck. He wanted to strip her clothes off, but he thought about her face at the dinner table and pulled back to look at her. "Something about us come up at Emily's house?"

Casey's arms dropped from around his neck and she sighed. "Yeah, it did."

Derek sat up and pulled her arms so that she was sitting up beside him. "What did she say?" He couldn't imagine anything worse than all the things he and Casey had said to _each other_ about incest and their previous hatred of each other. Casey had already called herself a slut for what had happened between them that first night. _"I've been broken up with Max for only ten hours, Derek! I'm the definition of slutty!"_ She had clutched the sheets to her breasts as he had laughed at her and tried to pry the material away.

"She's just really hurt." He must have looked baffled by that because she added. "You were her first love and all that."

"Oh God," he rolled his eyes and dropped back to the bed.

"I think I hurt her feelings in the way I told her too." Casey added. She was twisting her hands together and fretting. "She was all excited that she had found a way to get over missing Sheldon by making one last try for you…"

Derek's eyebrows raised, "Uh, sort of creepy?" When Casey pursed her lips at him he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Okay. So she was hurt because of her psycho attraction to me. But what about the whole," he uncovered his eyes to look at his step-sister again motioning back and forth between them with a hand. "the whole—you and me part of it. Did you hear the word _incest_ or _insanity_ or …" he shrunk back in mock horror from her, "the dreaded _S word_"?

"That is so not funny, Derek," Casey's lips twitched a little though when she said it. They smiled at each other for a minute.

"Well," Derek shrugged his shoulders at her. "One down, right?"

She nodded at him in that incredibly cute wide-eyed way she had.

He'd waited long enough, he decided. He pulled her down on top of him.


	3. Chapter 3

"D! How's it going?"

Derek gave a nod in the direction of the voice.

"Derek!" another nod. Casey rolled her eyes.

"Do you even know half the people who say hi to you?"

"No"

"Oh – kaaay" another eye-roll.

"Hey if you had stayed a cheerleader instead of making this triumphant return to keener-ville and 'the real you' then you might have a taste of what it's like…"

"Just stop right there, thanks." He was smiling down at her as they walked into the building. _She could just feel it._ She tried not to gaze back at him because her face would just be way to sappy and obvious, "I thought we agreed never to bring up that night while…"

"Who said anything about that night? Paranoid much, Case?"

"Yikes, we're at school ya know." She moved to make more room between them while they walked.

The smile was slipping a little from Derek's face, "Chickening out, Case?" The humor was slipping a little from his voice too. Casey sighed.

They arrived to her locker and she leaned against it and looked up at him. He was about to get mad at her; she could tell by that look: His jaw was grinding. He was holding a breath.

"I'm not chickening out," she answered him in complete seriousness. She knew him so well. She knew when to back off or get ready for a full out fight. "I'm not!" she added looking straight in his eyes. "The thing with Emily just spooked me a little but…"

Derek nodded at her. "Yeah, I got ya. I know." Derek looked around them, no one was paying attention. It wasn't all that unusual to have him lingering at her locker in the morning.

Casey was satisfied that the anger had diffused and turned to open her locker. She was shifting through a neat stack of folders and reorganizing her book bag when she felt him lean against her a little. He was definitely standing closer and hanging around longer than he would have before.

"I'm going to walk you to Chem class," he blurted suddenly in her ear. Casey froze. Max was in that class.

She still felt so terrible about their break-up—not as terrible as Max did of course—at least not anywhere near the same variety of terrible that he was feeling. But this thing with Derek just made everything she had done for the last year seem like the biggest falsehood. Every decision and action looked different to her now that she knew what she had been repressing. She didn't feel like she had ever really been what Max thought she was. And, worse, she felt like she had never really cared for him in the way that he had believed—that even she had believed. She was a terrible person. She hung her head.

"Why are you pushing this, Derek?"

God, she had never imagined that her stepbrother had this possessive-aggressive streak. _He never seemed to give a shit what his other girlfriends had done or said!_ It wasn't fair the way he was pushing her to make a really sweet and innocent guy feel even worse. _"I don't like the way he looks at you" _he'd told her last night. _"What are you talking about? He looks at me like he's sad. You should feel sorry for him." _Derek had let out a laugh that was so bitter it was almost a bark. _"Don't hold your breath, Case."_

When she turned to look back at him he had his jaw clenched again. "Fine!" she was going to get pissed off herself. _What was he thinking? That she was backing out on him?_ He was forcing her into being an accomplice to whatever bullshit jealousy he was trying to burn off. "Fine! Walk me to Chemistry, Derek!"

He pointed a finger at her. "Act happy about it." _Oh, he had to be kidding her! _

"Don't hold your breath," she hissed back at him. He knew where that line came from—she could see it in his eyes. He grabbed her arm and slammed her locker shut behind her.

"Pretty funny you're feeling so sorry for Max. You know yesterday poor suffering Max shoulder- checked Noel in the hallway." Derek had that smug look that drove her nuts—not in a good way either. And he was doing his usual arrogant swagger as he pulled her along beside him.

"Noel?"

"Yeah, poetry loving, school musical co-star, Noel. That's who Max figures is next in line—you dump him and cheerleading and start going to poetry crap…uh…club…"

Okay so now she really was pissed. She yanked her arm free from his grip—it wasn't easy—and turned on him. "Next in line?!" Her voice was getting that shrill quality that she knew he hated but she couldn't help it. "Poetry _crap_?" Her eyes narrowed at him.

"Don't change the subject," he bit back at her.

"And what the hell is the subject?" They were starting to get the usual little audience any of their fights managed to create. Derek put his hands on his hips and looked at the ground like he was trying to get himself under control. He was even breathing hard. _Wow—he really was mad_—the realization of it sort of threw Casey off her game for a minute. _What the hell was his problem?!_

"Walk yourself to class," he practically growled at her and stalked off the opposite direction.

"Fine! I will!" People scurried out of Derek's way as he passed but they only snickered at Casey's comeback. "God, I hope this isn't how the whole day is going to be," she groaned to herself.

. . . . .

_What the hell??!! Way to get all Neandrathall on Casey – great going—just great…. _He felt like shit as he strode into study hall. He was going to blow this if he kept treating her like that. Casey was a practical girl at her core. She would walk away from things she liked doing if she decided they weren't good for her. She would walk away from people she loved if she thought they weren't good for her. _She walked away from Max didn't she? _The idea that she might have loved—_God he couldn't even think it_—still loved—that douche bag made Derek feel sick.

"Derek!" Sam raised a hand to signal him over. First period study hall monitor was Coach Peterson, so all the hockey players took it and then the remaining slots were filled with hangers on—girls, fans, friends. Ralph always took Peterson for study hall. So did Emily. _Fuck!_

Derek slid into the chair opposite Sam –Peterson's study halls were held in the lunchroom because they were so big. The Coach was sitting with the paper, a coffee mug and headphones, his feet propped on a lunch table. He didn't take roll. He didn't care if you made-out. He didn't break up fights. It was Derek's favorite class.

"Dude, late night?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you do?"

"Huh?"

At Derek's worried expression Sam seemed to rethink his earlier assessment. "Dude, what's wrong?" He pushed a can of Pepsi towards Derek as he asked.

Derek took a big swig looking at his friend with narrowed eyes wondering if he could really tell him the truth.

Sam's expression softened some and his voice got quieter, "It's something serious. What?"

When Derek set the can down he took a deep breath. _Well, here goes,_ "Casey's mad at me. I'm an asshole."

Sam seemed to be waiting for more. When nothing came he seemed a little impatient, "Yeah. So you're worried about getting in trouble or…" Derek shook his head and brought his eyebrows together.

"Casey and I are going out, Man." He didn't give Sam much time for a reaction before lurching ahead. "She's pissed off at me because I acted like a jealous shit about wanting to make it public." Derek shrugged, "Also, I think Max is trying to get back with her…I grabbed her arm…" _Okay well there it all was._ It wasn't exactly in any kind of order that made sense, and Derek was kind of assuming Sam could piece it all together to pick out what was the really important information.

"Casey, your step-sister? That's who were talking about here. Right?"

Derek's jaw tightened like he was bracing for a punch, but he just nodded slowly leveling his eyes on Sam's wide eyed stare.

"Wait." Sam leaned forward across the table to whisper harshly, "Casey. You and Casey."

Derek was already pissed off and Sam acting all dense and disbelieving wasn't helping. "Yeah. That's what I said, Casey and me. Dude, close your mouth. You look like an idiot. Me and Casey—get over it."

Sam did close his mouth and moved his shocked expression towards the lunchroom table. When he finally looked back at Derek he was more composed. "Dude." He nodded. "I guess I should have seen it."

The expression on Sam's face told Derek he was looking back in time—remembering exactly what Derek was hoping they could both forget forever. "So when me and Casey were together…" When Sam's eyes focused he must have seen something on Derek's face that told him _that _subject was off limits. _Forever_. Sam cleared his throat.

"So…" the pause felt like a lifetime to Derek. "She's pissed off at you. What'd you do exactly? Buy her some flowers or something on your way home—girls like to get flowers."

Derek nodded. He still had a nervous lump in his stomach about the way he'd left things with Casey but he felt relieved too. He felt _real damn_ relieved.

. . . . .

Chemistry had become an excruciating exercise for Casey. She and Max were lab partners, of course, because they had been boyfriend and girlfriend at the beginning of the semester. She had also been a cheerleader at the beginning of the semester. She had even been popular at the beginning of the semester. Who the hell had she even _been_ back then? It was like a different girl had started her senior year and Casey was having to finish it for her.

No one teased her anymore, but people were afraid to be too nice to her at the same time. She was some kind of freak for breaking up with the gorgeous football captain and quitting the squad. No one wanted to be too nice to her in case it might threaten their own popularity. But no one was going to be outright mean to her either, incase she "came to her senses" and reclaimed her old life. That was never going to happen though.

That life and that girl were gone for good. She was more comfortable with her poetry "crap" than cheer, and this thing with Derek had effectively eclipsed any feeling she had ever had for Max or anyone else. If they didn't work out…_but she wasn't going to even consider it_… something profound had shifted once this began between Derek and her…for both of them. There would be no going back.

"How are you doing?" Max looked at her with genuine concern in his eyes.

When she first came into the room Amy had been sitting next to him. The head cheerleader had one hand consolingly on Max's shoulder and was obviously offering him a kind of flirtatious sympathy for his troubles—the breakup with Casey of course being chief of these. Casey had to stand by uncomfortably embarrassed for them to "notice" her so that she could take a seat. Amy had scowled at her when she had finally vacated the chair.

"What?" Casey whispered from the side of her mouth. She crunched her eyebrows to give the impression she was intent on the lecture.

"Are you okay?" Max leaned towards her to whisper. Casey saw Amy flick jealous eyes towards them.

The teacher turned them loose to do the lab so there wasn't a reason to ignore him. Casey pulled the box of slides and tubes towards the middle of the table for them. "I'm fine." She gave him a tight smile and started dividing the glass slides they would need.

"I saw you get in that fight with Derek. Is he giving you a hard time about our breakup?"

"What?!" Casey gripped one of the slides a little too hard and it cracked. The edge also cut into her finger and a little rivulet of blood formed. "Shit!"

"Ms. McDonald?" Their chemistry teacher looked up from his desk.

"She cut her finger," Max offered. He tried to pull Casey's injured hand between his own but she pulled away.

Casey got up and went to rinse her hand in the sink at the back of the room. When she pressed a paper towel to the cut she realized that Max had followed her there.

"I'm fine, Max. Really." But the humiliating thing was she felt like she was going to cry. Her day really was going to be as horrible as she suspected after that fight with Derek in the hallway. And what the hell was Max talking about before she sliced her skin anyway?

He was still standing there looking at her with that love-sick expression that made her feel like such a terrible, terrible jerk. "Listen Max. there's something you should know…"

He put one hand on top of hers and she twisted the paper towel between her fingers. "What is it?" He looked so vulnerable that she couldn't do it. It would just be too awful to hurt him further and she …wait…what _was_ that he had said earlier?

"Why do you think that Derek would be giving me a hard time about our breakup anyway?"

Max flushed and looked down. "Nothing. I just thought… Well I know that popularity…that stuff is important to him. I figured…." He trailed off and dropped Casey's hand too.

She stiffened when it sunk in what he was saying. "You thought Derek would be…what? He was –oh I don't know—lecturing me about giving up a fake and shallow but popular existence?"

She wanted to say something about Derek being above all that and noble and…but to tell the truth she could picture Derek doing exactly what Max suspected him of, if the result of leaving that fake and shallow existence hadn't led them to… no…she couldn't get sidetracked with that right now.

As a matter of fact, Derek had actually begun with that tact when she had first approached him with all her angst over cheer and Max. He couldn't believe that she would give up being Max's girlfriend and popularity for her former geeky persona. Casey took a deep breath, "Derek could see that I wasn't really happy that way, Max." Because, that was true, after he'd seen she was serious about wanting to be true to herself. Derek had been the one to suggest "changing back" to her in the first place.

Max winced. His reaction garnered the pity for him back to her. She should let him know what the real situation was so he stopped pining for her. He was going to be angry at her but better him than Derek.

Amy had come up between them, ostensibly to rinse off her hands. Casey rolled her eyes at how obvious the other girl was being. But then she had a great idea.

"Amy. Could you do me and Max a huge favor?" she asked, in what she hoped was a genuine and kind tone. She didn't feel exactly genuine and kind though; she sort of felt like she had found a loophole to all the misery she was inflicting on her ex-boyfriend and herself.

Amy looked between them like she wasn't sure what the right reaction was going to be here. Obviously she wanted to do Max any favor at all, but the girl had sort of committed to hating Casey for his sake. So, she couldn't really do her a favor.

"Max and I can't really continue as lab partners now that we…" Casey sort of panicked trying to think of the best way to word this. She knew she had that utterly nerdy tone of authority in her voice too but she had to keep going. "If you could do us the favor of switching with me—I'll take Caroline…" and she really did mean "take Caroline" because that girl was beyond a doubt the worst student in the class. "If you wouldn't mind partnering with Max for the rest of the semester?"

Casey had to work really hard not to roll her eyes at the look of sympathetic benevolence the other girl immediately adopted.

"Of course I wouldn't mind that, Max," Amy said stepping more fully between them.

"No," Max sounded a little choked up and Casey felt the usual stab of guilt that he always gave her. "We don't need to do this, Casey. I want to be your friend. No one knows better what we're going through than each other, right?" He smiled at her in a hopeful sort of way He was talking right over Amy like she wasn't even there.

"I'm really sorry, Max." Casey needed to do this next part, no matter what the consequences. "I don't think I'm going through exactly what you are either. I'm seeing someone else."

Amy gasped before her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

Max's face drained of color and then his eyes got hard and dark. "That didn't take long," he said. His voice was so cold that Casey couldn't hide a shiver.

"I'm really sorry," she croaked. When she went back to the table to start the lab, Max stayed behind by the sink. _No time like the present. _Slowly, she gathered her things and went to sit by Caroline.

"Hi," she mumbled at the other girl but Caroline had her IPod in and a magazine out and didn't even acknowledge the change in partners. Casey did the lab by herself.

After class ended she took a long time to put everything away. She just wanted to go home, maybe get in bed and try this day again tomorrow.

Derek had laughed at her when she'd called herself a slut; but, she was certain that Amy was going to make damn sure that label stuck on her better than Klutzilla ever had. She squared her shoulders and walked out of the classroom.

Derek was leaning against the wall opposite the classroom with a no nonsense look on his face—serious—determined.

She gave him a little smile as apology for what had happened earlier. She didn't really care who had started that fight; she was just glad to see him. He gave her a little nod and smirk in response and fell into a stroll beside her. She really, really wanted to hold his hand but then caught sight of Emily sitting on the steps and watching them. "Don't flaunt it" seemed especially relevant at that moment.

Derek paused when they got to her French classroom. "Later," he told her. Something he might have said before, but in the soft tone that was unique to their relationship now.

"Yeah," she breathed back to him. _It was worth it_, she decided. They just needed to let everyone adjust, to let themselves adjust.

They would get through this part, she told herself. She sighed though, as she took her chair in French class. The actual "going through it" part was going to be tough. But, it was worth it, she reminded herself.


	4. Chapter 4

. . . . . . .

They were in his room with the stereo on—Derek at the computer because of a spreadsheet project due in Business. (Although, he was only half-assed working on it while, alternately, surfing the Internet).

Casey had turned his bed into a roadmap of her honors thesis—books on top of folders, color coded sticky notes on top of those. To Derek, it looked like she was checking the pieces of her paper off of a list.

Occasionally he would purposely flick a sunflower seed shell hard enough to dislodge one of her obsessively neat piles.

"Der-rek!"

"Okay! Okay! That was the last one, Case, I swear."

She narrowed her eyes at him so he faked that he was once again intent on the spreadsheet. As soon as she looked down, he spit another shell into his palm and got it lined up on his thumbnail to fire.

"What are you guys doing?" Lizzie was at the door with a book in her hand and a puzzled look on her face. "Derek, are you getting ready to flick that at Casey?"

Casey's head whipped around. "Der-rek!"

_Crap!_ Derek closed his hand over his thumb. "Don't you have somewhere to be Lizzie? I think I hear Nora calling you."

Lizzie ignored him. "Why are you guys always studying together now?"

Casey appeared to be holding her breath so Derek figured he was going to have to take the reins here. "Gee, I don't know Liz. Maybe because high school has this sort of annoying tradition called homework. Don't they give you homework in second grade?"

Lizzie was always inexplicably immune to the crap he dished. Once again she seemed completely unruffled by his sarcasm and Derek wondered at the difference between his two step-sisters. "I'm not asking about the homework part; I meant the together part. Why are you guys always together now?" Well, at least she did have that annoying McDonald persistence to her.

"We're hanging out. What's the big deal? Beat it! This is big kids time, okay?" Derek forced his eyes back on the computer screen and hoped she would be gone when he chance another glance up.

He could hear Lizzie's exasperated sigh. "Casey?"

Casey made a little squeak noise. Derek rubbed at his face with one hand and looked back into the room. Casey looked like she just got poked with a cattle prod.

Her voice was a squeak, "Lizzie would you rather we weren't getting along like always—like we always were before, I mean?"

Derek rubbed at his face again. Casey's voice was all off—too high—obviously guilty.

"Before what?" Lizzie deadpanned.

Derek was up out of his chair and crossing the room. "Okay. That's enough with the twenty questions Liz. Casey and I have stuff to do. Bu-bye." He closed the door on his stepsister and then turned to sag against the door.

Casey was staring at him with her eyebrows climbing to her hairline. She looked like she was maybe going to cry or get sick. Derek felt exactly the same. "So one more time…we really want to do this. Right?"

Because this made Casey look even more upset he quickly clarified—"Not," he gestured between them, "this." Then he made a motion at the door behind him, "This—them. Are we sure about telling them?"

"I knew what you meant." Casey's voice was still high and uncertain. "Ug…" Casey dropped her head into her hands and heaved a tremulous sigh.

Derek walked over to her with his hands in his pockets. She was crying. He hated when anyone got emotional like this, but he especially hated her tears. "Casey," he whispered but he made no move to hold her or comfort her. There was something about Casey's tears in particular that always effected him—after all, her tears had moved him to call her asshole father back from the airport and even to cancel his own trip to Spain. He hated that there wasn't anything he could really do about these particular tears though. She was going to just have to suffer through this with him.

"I'm okay," Casey said from behind her hands. "I'm not chickening out."

"That's good," Derek crouched down in front of her and pulled her hands from her face. Her eyes and nose were red and her cheeks were wet. He smirked at her. Then he grabbed at her hair and pulled her in for a rough kiss, his lips smashing against hers until she started to respond.

He wasn't sure what he meant by the kiss. Maybe he just wanted to distract her because he couldn't really solve the situation they were pulling each other deeper and deeper into. Derek knew it would probably only get worse for them as they exposed more and more of what they had become to each other. One thing he was certain of was that the deeper they got into this, the more he was committed to it. He wanted this relationship with Casey more than he had ever wanted anything.

Hockey victories, admiration, attention –all gave him an intense rush that he had also craved when he went out with girls. Getting them, then getting them to go as far as he could…that same surge of victory. It was all he used to expect in a relationship with a girl. But, this thing with Casey was completely different. At first there was that challenge—getting her—that he had fantasized about. But it was a challenge that burned for _years_ instead of the usual days or weeks it took to get a girl he wanted. Then there was the fact of their family connection. It wasn't the girl holding him off; instead he was holding himself off. She was his stepsister. He knew he should be thinking of her the same way he thought about Lizzie or Marti, so the challenge had been to reign himself in, not to get the girl.

Casey had started to occupy this strange grey area in his life—not quite a sister and not quite a friend. What was impossible to explain to anyone was how her being his stepsister had actually _contributed _to the depth of his feeling for her. He held his real self off from everyone so effectively that it took her literally living with him to see through the bullshit he fronted to everyone else.

Casey moaned against his mouth. He gripped her tighter and pulled her onto the floor beside him. She already had her hands inside his shirt and her eyes closed, lips pressed to his neck.

"I don't think we'll have time for this, Case. Dinner will be ready…Oh Man…" his voice turned into a rasp as her hands moved lower. Derek pushed her to her back and moved on top of her. His hands were undoing her jeans when they heard Nora call everyone to the table.

Casey whimpered in disappointment beneath him. He got off of her and worked to catch his breath.

"Okay?" he asked her and pulled her up with him when he stood. He had his hands on her shoulders. Damn she looked a little freaked about leaving the "safety" of his room. Mind-boggling when he thought about how much at home they _both_ were with _her_ in _his_ space. "Listen, if you start to get all freaky about things down there just let me take over, Okay?"

She nodded at him and wiped at her face.

. . . . .

After dinner, Casey made Derek print out the spread sheet for Business so she could check it over. They both had a quiz in Math to cram for too so they were sitting in the kitchen to "stay focused".

Casey tried to ignore the looks she was getting from Lizzie and Edwin. Both their younger siblings found a lot of reasons to keep tabs on them. Edwin came in for a bag of chips, a carrot, a piece of cheese, a cookie and three separate glasses of milk. Lizzie washed her hands four times and blew her nose on a paper towel twice. She and Derek ignored them.

The two of them sat on the same side of the island, a little closer than they would have before. Derek was still being somewhat of his usual Derek self.

"Case, let me compare what we got on last week's homework."

"You didn't do last week's homework."

"Okay but that stuff is going to be on the quiz, right?"

"You aren't going to learn to do it in one night, Derek."

"Wanna bet?"

"No."

He poked her in the side with his pencil when she wouldn't relinquish her notebook.

"You two have been getting along better." Nora had been watching them from the laundry room doorway with a basket of clothes in her arms. She had a strange look on her face that made Casey think of Lizzie's expression up in Derek's room.

"Mom, I was just attacked with a pencil, did you not see that?"

"Casey is trying to make me flunk the quiz tomorrow."

Casey rolled her eyes at him and he poked her again. She whipped the pencil from his hand. "Okay, here are the notes. I circled the things that…"

Her throat went dry when she noticed that her mother was still staring at them with that same thoughtfully suspicious look on her face. Normally Nora would have given them an eye roll or and exasperated sigh and wandered away again.

"Mom?" Casey asked. "Is something wrong?" She kicked at Derek's leg when she said it because this so definitely fell in the "things getting freaky" area he had promised to help her out of. All her gesture did was make it worse, though. Derek popped up in his seat and instantly changed from obnoxious to wholly inappropriately protective.

"Casey's just helping me not lose my hockey scholarship before I even have it," he said in all seriousness. _Wrong thing to say, because it was far more complimentary of Casey than anything he had ever said in front of her mother before. _Then there was the way he put his hand on her shoulder to turn her away from her mother's stare and back to the spreadsheet. Obviously he was blocking for her.

When Casey looked back to her mother, Nora had a frown on her face before walking back into the laundry room. Casey's hands were shaking when she gave the pencil back to Derek. They worked in silence for a while longer.

Finally, "That's enough for now," Derek said softly. Casey didn't think he meant anything about the homework they were doing. "You stay down here to finish," he added to her. Before he stood up he ran one finger slowly across the side of her hand. It was the most affection he could risk with the atmosphere as charged with suspicion about them as it was.

She nodded without looking up from her work.

After he had been gone a while, Nora came back in and sat down across from Casey. "Hey, Mom," she said in the most carefree voice she could muster.

"Hi Honey." Nora fiddled with the edge of the spreadsheet Derek had left behind. She cleared her throat and raised her eyebrows in the way she always did when she was trying to be very careful about what she was going to say. "Casey, I don't think I've really had the chance to talk to you since the big breakup with Max. How are you handling everything?"

Casey tried for a cheerful voice, "Fine, Mom." She cringed a little and decided that cheerful was too obviously disingenuous. "I think that I made the right decision. Max is a great guy but just not the right guy for me," she added more soberly.

Nora nodded thoughtfully, "Is there someone else that you think might fit that description better?" Casey could feel that her face was bright red. Her mother had to know there was something she was hiding. She wanted so bad to confess everything because she hated keeping a secret this huge from her mother. At the same time she knew that simply spilling it all before her mom would be the same as asking for permission—she had a bad feeling that her mother wasn't likely to throw her arms around her and congratulate the two of them on finally casting aside the impossible expectations placed upon them to bond as siblings.

"Someone else?" she managed to choke out. After Casey cleared her throat she was more composed. "Mom, I can tell you—honestly—that when I broke things off with Max I did it for myself and not for another guy." Oh God the tears were right there in her throat and making her nose tingle. "I'm not a cheerleader or a popular girl, Mom. I lost track of who I was…"

Her mother was frowning and pensive while she spoke. Finally she interrupted, "I just see you and Derek together a lot last week and it seem that you two are getting even closer…" the disapproval was blatant in her mother's tone and voice.

Casey was in full-blown panic "Mom—Derek's been really great about this decision I made." Nora raised her eyebrows. Casey ignored her, "He was the one who sort of gave me the idea to change back to myself…and he's been supportive of me…" Oh God she couldn't possibly continue on that path of reasoning without actually bursting into flames from the guilt she was feeling.

Her mother's mouth was a grim line and she nodded without looking at her, "I'm glad that Derek is being supportive of you. I really am." When her mother met Casey's eyes the look on Nora's face was about as opposite of "glad" as Casey had ever seen it.

Casey knew her eyes were wide with anxiety as she waited for whatever terrible thing her mother was going to say. She felt like she and Derek had braced themselves for all kinds of accusations of incest and rants about disappointment. Derek had practically rehearsed her for this exact kind of situation.

"_Please tell me that if Nora waylays you with a big speech about being a responsible daughter…"_

"_I know. I know. .."_

"_Because you are very responsible, Case. Don't let her do a number on you…"_

"_Derek! Jeez you make her sound evil or something. She worries about me…I don't think it's unreasonable that she expects things from me. I expect things from myself too…"_

"_Okay stop right there. See? You're doing it to yourself! You don't even need Nora to lay on the guilt." _

_She had pouted and he had glared. "Just stay strong. Okay, Case? Don't let our family get between us, Okay?" _

"_That won't happen." _

Now, with her mother sitting hard-eyed in front of her, she felt as weak and wishy-washy as Derek had predicted she would.

"Listen Casey, I know teenage years are hard. Especially with all the changes you've had to experience since high school. Maybe I haven't always been such a great mother with a new husband and new job of my own to get preoccupied with…"

"No, don't say that, Mom. You've done a good job. I've been happy with you so happy…"

Her mother grasped her hand and gave her a little smile of thanks. "I just don't want to see you throw away a bright future…"

_What the hell?_

"I know you've had something of an identity crisis…but I would hate for you to just start to slack on all your dreams because you feel a little uncertain about what you want."

"I'm not slacking, Mom." Casey's confusion must have been plain on her face as it was in her voice.

"Well, maybe you aren't right now…" Nora's face was gentle like she was explaining something to the little girl that Casey had once been long ago. "But things can slide out of our control easily even when we don't mean them to. I just wouldn't want you to get involved with someone who would lead you even further from your goals than Max did."

Casey was starting to feel something harden inside her stomach. There was nothing wishy-washy inside of her anymore. Was _this_ the problem her mother was having at the prospect that she and Derek might be developing a relationship? That he _wasn't good enough_ for her?! _God! _"I'm not leaving behind my goals." Her voice was as indifferent as it might be to a stranger.

Her mother patted her hand. "I'm glad to hear it, Casey." Her mother kissed her forehead before she walked away and Casey felt like she might throw-up. The tears had changed from guilt to rage. Casey hurriedly piled together all her and Derek's books and papers and raced towards the stairs. She didn't want to break down in front of anyone.

. . . . . . .

Derek lay flat on his back on the bed, headphones on and the music full blast. Casey was upset as shit since the talk with Nora but she wouldn't tell him anything about it.

His dad was still awake downstairs and walking around—pacing—which meant he was working on a little speech of his own. Derek wished George would just muster the balls to say whatever it was he had to say, get it off his chest and go the fuck to bed. Meanwhile, Derek couldn't do anything about whatever Casey was going through. _And probably couldn't do anything about it once he could get to her._ Goddamn Nora must have gone for the big guns and used the _I_ word—_incest_—Derek had thought he had Casey prepped for this but apparently not. He rubbed at his face with both hands.

They weren't going to outright forbid them to be together were they? They wouldn't send Casey to live with her dad or pack him off to his mother in Spain after-all? _Crap! Crap! Crap!_ They should have kept it a secret! He was an idiot to act so glib about the whole thing.

"_Screw everyone. We're not going to hide—that's like saying we're ashamed. I'm not ashamed. Are you?" The first few days of their coming together seemed to take place in a blur of nakedness and passion. In between all the lovemaking were the confessions—the "I never really hated when you did that" and "I always secretly liked this about you" stuff—and also the worries and fears._

"_Ashamed? Of us?! Of course not! But I just worry about our parents. I feel like it will hurt my mom…" Casey had sighed against his chest and the feeling of her breath against his skin made him instantly hard again. He took a big breath of his own and tried to focus on what she was saying. "I just don't want to disappoint anyone." _

"_Well, you can forget that wish, Case. Our parents will be disappointed—that's a given. They wanted us to all move in together and be instant siblings." He gripped her against him because these conversations always made him feel like their parents were going to barge in and literally rip her from his arms. "Anyway…" He gave up on ignoring what his body was screaming for and started kissing a path down her neck. "They never asked our permission so we won't ask theirs." _

When his dad came into his room Derek didn't try to hide that he'd been waiting for him. He pulled off the headphones and sat up, "Well, Lets hear it, Dad."

"I just want to know that you are aware of what you're doing here, Derek." His dad crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at him pointedly.

"Is that it?"

"No, that isn't it!" George let his arms drop and his voice rasp in irritation. "I think we've all worked really hard to make this a home and a family—especially Nora and I. You are jeopardizing everyone's happiness with your recklessness here, Derek."

Derek sprang from the bed to face his father, "What?! How do you figure _that_, Dad?"

"Everything is just fun and games to you, Derek. Taking advantage of your step-sister when she is feeling vulnerable is maybe a little too manipulative—even for you."

Derek's jaw hurt from how tight he clenched it. Don't freak out on him. Don't freak out. "I'm not taking advantage of anyone."

"You know, Derek, I've never liked how you treat the girls you date. We've had more than one girl on the phone crying because you won't take her calls. I've gotten angry calls from other parents –that girl Beth was completely heartbroken. She even made it seem like you had…"

"We talked about this already. She admitted that everything was consensual. She was just pissed I wouldn't be her boyfriend." But he wasn't going to get sidetracked into defending himself. "Beth has nothing to do with this."

"No?" His dad's face was getting a little red. They were both angry and hoarse—yelling without yelling because of Casey's room next door. "and what about when you decide you don't want to be Casey's boyfriend? How do you think that will make everyone in this house feel?"

"That's not going to happen."

"Right," his father huffed. The look of disgust on his face made Derek wince.

"Well, you've said your piece." He needed his dad out of his room. _Now. _ Things were going to get really ugly—Jerry Springer ugly—if they didn't separate ASAP.

"Yeah I guess I have," his dad finally spit out. "You watch yourself, Derek." When the door closed behind him it felt like the absolute last minute that Derek could have held back from completely losing it. He rubbed at his face and realized he was shaking. _That went just great_. _Fuck him!_

That thing with Beth was nothing but bullshit and his dad knew it. The girl had claimed to just be interested in the sex. That had worked out perfectly with him until he had realized that she was still nursing the belief that it would work into something more. It had been an instant wet blanket to Derek's interest in her and he had ended things. She tried to get back at him by claiming that he had "stolen her innocence" in something akin to repeated bouts of date rape.

He had actually ended up feeling sorry for Beth when she had fessed up to both his dad and hers—he had been caught in plenty of lies himself so he knew the pain of "facing the music" so to speak.

After he heard his dad's angry steps retreat to the basement Derek bolted over to Casey's room.

It was dark inside and she was just a silent form in the bed, "You awake?"

"Yeah." She sat up a little and scooted over to make room for him.

He came in and lay down beside her. "Well, that sucked."

"It really did," she whispered back to him.

He put his arms around her and she snuggled into him. "Sleep here tonight," she told him. She was soft and warm in his arms and he was exhausted in every way he could be. His eyes were drifting close—losing the power to stay open any longer.

"I was going to," he said kissing her hair.

. . . .


	5. Chapter 5

. . . . . .

Casey was dreaming. In her dream, she walked along a dark narrow and unfamiliar street; she was afraid. Something was stalking her in the dream—an animal or a monster she wasn't sure—and she knew she had to stay ahead of it if she wanted to survive. _But where could she go? _ What if she couldn't find her way out of these twisting streets. In the distance, someone was calling to her—a voice she knew. It was Marti! _Thank God!_ Someone had found her! Someone would help her! It was just little Marti, but she still felt better for even that small bit of aid.

"I said WAKE UP!"

Very suddenly, Casey was back in her own bed with sunlight pouring into her windows, Derek snoring softly beside her and Marti whisper-shouting into her ear.

"What is it?"

"Nora is awake!"

"Oh God!" Casey shook Derek until he opened his eyes.

"Smerek! Get out of Casey's bed before Nora or Daddy come to look for you!"

Derek shot out of bed at that last part and bolted out of the room and into the hall without a look backwards.

After a moment he poked his head back in and smiled at the two gaping girls, "Thanks Smarti!" A softer, "Morning" for Casey and his bed mussed hair disappeared back into the hallway.

Casey looked over to her little step-sister in shock and then impulsively threw her arms around the little girl. Marti hugged her back easily.

"Daddy and Nora don't want you and Derek to be too happy around each other," Marti said into Casey's shoulder.

"What was that, honey?" Casey pulled back to look anxiously at her stepsister.

Marti put one finger over her lips and stage whispered, "You have to be sneaky. Okay, Casey?"

Casey nodded, her eyes filling with tears, but a smile forming at her lips.

. . . . . .

Getting out of the house was a nightmare.

George and Derek weren't speaking. She had to pretend to be oblivious as to why that might be. Meanwhile her mom was shooting these consoling smiles her way—the "I know you won't let me down because letting me down would mean you are a terrible person" variety.

She couldn't bear to tell Derek what her mother had said to her. He had assumed it was something about the two of them being step-siblings and she didn't try to correct that assumption. It was too horrible to tell him that her mother obviously considered any feelings Casey might be developing for him as evidence that she was headed into some kind of downward spiral of sloth and irresponsibility.

While her mother's attitude made her seethe with anger, Casey felt hurt by Lizzie's awkwardness around her.

It was clear that their two younger siblings had reached some theories from all the blatant spy runs they had done the night before (and possibly in the morning before Marti had managed to wake her) and those theories were making the younger kids mightily uncomfortable.

Lizzie and Edwin were both red-faced and tongue-tied whenever she or Derek inadvertently touched (He grabbed the same cereal box she did. She stumbled over the leg of his chair.) This, in turn, left Casey embarrassed and flushing, herself.

Derek pretended to ignore all of them.

Except, Casey noticed that he drank his juice slowly enough to leave breakfast after she did. Apparently he had decided that he didn't trust their family not to verbally pounce on her unless he was in the room. Then, he was loitering in the hallway when she got out of the shower until her door closed. And, finally, he waited inside the front hall while she got her coat and book bag together instead of in the car where he usually did. She would have said he was being ridiculous if it didn't seem like her mom, George, and Lizzie were suspiciously present in all the places they might normally be able to catch her alone. Only Edwin seemed to be fully believing in Derek's ability to guard the "weak link" from breaking. It made her angry at all of them, Derek too. Did they all think her feelings could be so easily smothered?

Really, the whole experience was excruciating.

By the time they got to school, Casey just wanted a break from Derek's constant hovering presence and their… _scandal. _ Derek apparently felt the same way.

He didn't offer to walk her to her classes or come stand by her locker.

"See you at lunch. 'kay?" he mumbled towards her and headed off to the horrible cafeteria study hall he had each morning. How _anyone_ could stand Coach Peterson's complete lack of classroom discipline was beyond her powers of comprehension!

When she walked into Chemistry, the first thing she noticed was Max swiveling his attention back to the front of the room, as if he had been waiting for her. He was probably looking to see if anyone had walked her to class. Had he figured it out yet?

Casey's new lab partner, Caroline, still wore her Ipod headphones, the device and wire tucked covertly between the buttons of her shirt. If Caroline had ever even noticed that Amy wasn't her partner anymore, then she must have done it when Casey wasn't looking. They went right to the lab without a lecture so Caroline also had a magazine out. Obviously Casey was doing the work alone again. She sighed and started arranging beakers and slides.

"Tell me something." Max was suddenly at her side and in her ear.

"Gah! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Tell me something," Max repeated to her. "I want to know if the reason we broke up has anything to do with this other guy. Did you just feed me a bunch of bull when you said all that about "finding yourself"? He made quotations in the air and sneered at the last part. It was pretty clear to her that he had never really bought her explanation for wanting to take a break.

"Does it matter what I say here, Max? It sounds like you already made up your mind that I," and now she did the air quotes, "fed you a bunch of bull," she said.

Max stared at her with a sour look, "Just be honest with me".

"I was honest with you, Max." She didn't want to be a bitch here. She knew he was hurting. "I'm really sorry," she added sincerely.

Max's expression softened. "I miss you, Casey."

_Oh no!_

"I don't know what's going on with you and this other guy, Casey, but I know that I'm willing to ride this thing out with you." _What?!_

"Uh…Max…"

"You and I were really good together. I love you, Casey."

_Oh no…no…no… What do I do? _ _What do I do?_ A frantic glance to her right revealed the impassive form of Caroline, still flipping the pages of _Hollywood Hairstyles_.

Casey's dream about wandering through twisting dark streets was creeping back to her… _help!_

And just as unlikely as Marti's help had been –

"Amy!"

"What's going on here? I thought you wanted to switch lab partners, Casey. You can't just change your mind now I'm already moved over here!"

_Moved over here? From your lab table a whole three steps away? Umm..okaaaay? Still…._ "Amy's right, Max."

That threw off the other girl, "I am?"

"Of course you are! We decided to switch partners for a lot of very good reasons, Max."

Casey pushed her ex-boyfriend towards the table he now shared with Amy.

"You need to focus on the relationships that are working for you—and Amy's friendship is definitely one of those. Besides, she did us the favor of switching and now you're not taking this lab seriously!" Casey deposited Max back at his own table. He looked completely baffled at what had just transpired, but Amy gave Casey a gentle look, one that reminded Casey of when the two of them had had that heart to heart over leading the cheer squad.

After a minute of just looking, Amy smiled slightly in a kind of silent 'thank you' before turning her attention back to Max and their lab work.

. . . . . . . .

Derek's entire morning was off because of this trouble with Casey. Well, the problem wasn't Casey, he had to remind himself, but their family's problem with he and Casey together. He'd woken up in the night stressing about that conversation with his dad and worried about the effects of Nora's disapproval on her.

"_What is it? Why are you awake?" _

"_I don't want to lose you." _

_Her eyes opened more fully and she placed a palm on his cheek to turn his face to hers. He thought she would be upset or angry at him for saying it. He thought she wasn't going to be able to stand up to her mom—that she would eventually cave into a sense of responsibility to their family instead of him. _

"_I don't want to lose you, either. This is really hard for me, Derek, but I don't know how else it could be. If we're going to be together then we have to face this." _

"_I'm …"… scared you'll back out._

"_Say it." But he couldn't. _

_Instead, he pulled off his shirt and moved on top of her. She let him undo the buttons on her pajamas, the skin underneath was warm and damp from sleep. _

_This—sex—was so different with her than it had ever been for him with anyone else. He felt exposed and vulnerable with her in a way he hadn't ever before in the act. _

He hated to think admit how selfish he had been before—sex had been about getting off and he expected the girl he was with to be focused on the same. The big mess with Beth hadn't done anything to give him respect for what they had done together. Girls wanted him. They always had. He was a little mystified that the sex alone didn't seem to be enough for some of them.

It was like the weird fixation Emily had on him and how completely unsympathetic and confused he always was about it.

_What the hell did these girls want from him? _

They had fun together—a night or two—a couple weeks maybe of trying to bring each other's bodies to a kind of nirvana. Then, for some reason, when Derek was finally finished with what the relationship could do for him physically, the girl would occasionally cling or get upset about moving on.

He thought he understood why that was now. Casey touching him, his touching her, went all the way to the core of him. She knew him better than anyone else and he knew her that same way—it wasn't just a body he was inside of. It was Casey.

And when they came together it was like all the moments of knowing her, fighting her, bargaining, compromising, relying on her—all those moments between them were there with them too.

_She gasped when he entered her and he slid his tongue in her mouth. _

_He had to keep her._ _He'd been so alone before —that loneliness had been hidden underneath everything he did and thought. _

_His mother had always been more involved in her own career, her own personal development, and barely held back her feelings of being trapped and resentful of the needs of her children. _

_His father had so many needs of his own, was such an emotionally hungry child on his own. His dad clung to Nora like a life-raft after the divorce, and that relationship came first for George. _

_Maybe Derek understood that too, now. _

"_Casey"_

—_he had to keep her! _

He had fought so hard to never rely, to never need or depend. He hadn't even liked for others to really see him—the real him—but, it had been impossible with her right there—she was the most persistent person he had ever met.

And, she'd been determined to get to know him, to make her mother's expectation for them to be one big happy family into a reality.

"_Too hard?"_

"_No, it's good."_

"_Yeah, for me too." _

"_Derek, You won't ever lose me."_

"_I can't."_

"_You won't." _

The minute he's set foot in the kitchen that morning, Derek had picked up on George and Nora's determination to get Casey alone so they could find out more about what was going on between the two of them. His dad and her mom thought whatever it was, must only be in the earliest stages; _Well, okay, they're right in a way_, he could concede.

Still, the "early stage" they were at was not nearly as early as their parents thought. They'd have to go back to the wedding for that –maybe even earlier... That first dinner and movie they had all done together…Casey had bought Marti an extra popcorn when the little girl had dropped hers. She had asked friendly questions about Edwin's science project, encouraging Derek's little brother to blather on about bugs and corn syrup for what seemed like an eternity.

It was unnerving to have this attractive girl his own age—an outsider—worm her way in with all the people and into all the information Derek had considered private. Who the hell did she think she was?

"_Edwin said the spiders in his project gave you the creeps" "Marti told me that usually when she drops her popcorn you're usually the one who buys her extra popcorn." _

"_Don't act like you know me or anything. You don't know me."_

"_Our parents are getting married!" she'd said, shocked at his rudeness. Then, in that know-it-all prissy way of hers. "I'm going to be living in the same house with you, in the same Family with you! We're going to HAVE to know all about each other." _

To be on the safe side that morning he'd decided to keep watch over her. Derek waited in the hallway while Casey showered, leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest. Even Lizzie got the message to _stay away_.

Since he'd turned eighteen, these little showdowns had become more and more common between his father and him. They both knew that it was getting time for Derek to leave "the nest" and start to live life on his own .

His leaving for college, leaving the home and his life there as a kid, would be sad but a relief. Maybe it was the bittersweet quality that his father had mentioned the night before? That warm thought aside, George and Nora were going to have to go through him if they wanted a shot at breaking Casey's resolve.

_I have to keep her._

When his dad and Nora weren't rushing out the door the way they usually did, he decided to wait inside, instead of the car, for Casey to get her crap together and leave. She was bristling under all the unasked for protectiveness, but tough shit. _I have to keep her. _

_Mine. _

He hoped one morning of this shit would take care of whatever his dad and Nora were trying to pull. _He_ was starting to get irritated at Casey's irritation.

. . . . . . . .

At lunch he scanned the crowded cafeteria trying to find her. He wasn't going to sit with her. He wanted to. She wanted to. But his popularity would have brought the _entire_ lunchroom into a _Silent Shock_ if he sat down at the reject table. It was where Casey was once again eating lunch since dumping Max and getting dumped, in return, by the popular crowd.

"Looking for Casey?"

Derek whipped around at the voice. _Max?_

"Listen Derek, I know what's going on here." _Really. Then why are you talking to me in that Mr. Sincerity voice, not to mention asking me about Casey? _The break-up must have made him suicidal.

"What's going on, then?" Derek's chest felt cold inside—angry. He didn't want to take all this out on Max, because that would really piss Casey off; but, there was that little problem of his constant, irrational _itch_ to kick the guy's ass.

"I'm not going to go crazy on her or anything just because she wants some space. You don't have to walk her to all her classes."

"Maybe I want to walk her to her classes."

"No seriously, I appreciate the way you're looking out for her but …"

"Hey, what's up?!" Sam appeared out of nowhere, a little breathless, between Derek and Max. Without waiting for an answer, he looped one arm around Derek's neck, "Dude, chilidogs! Let's get in line."

Sam led him, with a lot more force than a chilidog really warranted, towards the hockey players' usual table.

"I think you can release the headlock now, Buddy."

"This isn't a headlock. It's a friendly guy hug."

"Let go…" Derek had felt Sam grab him like this when fights broke out on the ice. Derek had a tendency to go berserk when he was pushed, while Sam nearly always kept a cooler head. The look in his friend's eyes was about the same kind of warning too. Sam was grimacing, talking through his teeth. "I'm going to tell you a couple things, first. Then I let go."

Derek was steaming, nostril's flared, his whole body tensed. "What?"

"Max has been telling people that he and Casey are going to be getting back together soon."

"I already got that."

"And Noel is sitting with Casey. Looks like he's trying to mack on her in a big way."

Sam loosened his hold gradually and as soon as he was able, Derek whipped his head around to look at where his stepsister sat with all the other artsy and brainy types.

Sam was right, Noel was leaning into Casey's space like he might kiss her at any moment. But he was just talking to her. Staring into her eyes, like he was _thinking of kissing her_, but just talking. Derek gritted his teeth but didn't move. All the other problems they faced made Noel's crush seem pretty insignificant.

Anyway, Casey seemed to be barely keeping track of the conversation and scanning the crowd.

Derek relaxed. He knew who she was looking for. Their eyes met.

Derek smirked at her and she blushed.

. . . . . . . .


	6. the real chapter 6

_. . . . . . . _

Casey sat on the highest bleacher up form the rink at Derek's hockey game. She'd always had a problem with the sport. It had bothered her to watch Sam play when the two of them had been dating, the way they were allowed to go at each other without actually whipping their gear off to fight seemed completely barbaric.

"_That keeps it from getting barbaric, Casey. If the refs didn't allow it then a problem between two guys would turn into a lot of dirty shots between the entire teams and a big brawl would just ruin the whole thing," Derek made a face at the ceiling, "Or make it better—depending on what you're into, I guess." _

_Casey scowled from where she was curled against him in the bed. "I can feel when you make that face, you know." _

"_Against your skin?" she muttered absentmindedly._

"_I can just feel it…in the air."_

"_Like how I know exactly which level of pissed off you are without even looking at you." _

_He chuckled. "Yeah." He sat up to find his boxers and t-shirt. When he was dressed he stood and stared at her. _

"_I wasn't going to do anything to Noel, you know. After school in the parking lot? You didn't have to be in such a rush to get away from him after school."_

_Casey rolled on her side to pick at thread on the blanket. "You were with all your hockey buddies," she made a judgmental eyebrow raise at him. "Even before you and I started…" She wasn't sure what to say next—what to call them. Started what? God! "They've always given any guy I'm with a hard time." _

_A little smile tugged at her mouth, "You kind of encouraged it, too, Der," she said, taunting him with one of his ex-girlfriends pet names. _

"_Don't call me that," he snapped, but he smirked at her. _

Casey hugged her jacket tighter around her body. She wanted to sit with her family and watch his game, but she'd pretended to be going to a movie with "Caroline –my new lab partner" – she'd had a hard time saying it without laughing. Did this mean she was getting more cavalier about lying? The idea worried her.

It was pathetic that she had to resort to make believe friendships as her cover stories.

Down below she could see Edwin and George waving their J Thompson banners. When she looked to the ice, and saw that Derek had scored another goal, she smiled. He really was good out there.

When she used to go to his games she actually had to make an effort not to cheer for the other team. Derek's aggression and dominance on the ice had been all she'd seen and it burned her up—she could only think of all the times he turned those same qualities into antagonism against her.

It wasn't very generous of her but she used to begrudge his every success at this sport. Before she could let the guilt take her too far under she reminded herself that Derek had some pretty nasty confessions of his own when they had first come together. He'd resented her academic success, of course, but she hadn't needed his confession to know that.

"_It was the way they always turned to you for babysitting and asked you to run errands for them or make dinner…" _

"_But you hate that stuff!" He was so open with her late at night. It was like the sex loosened everything that made him distance all the people around him. She liked being the only one to see this part of him._

"_But they never even asked me, and not because I would have hated it." He was wrapping a lock of her hair round and round one of his fingers. "They don't trust me."_

"_Do you even know how to cook?" She sputtered. _

_He cracked a smile at her and tugged at the coiled hair. _

"_Ouch!" _

That was during the early days when they had confessed all their feelings for each other in between all that they did in bed. Casey thought he'd given her these little bits of his inner life because he couldn't really share in her same experience of losing her virginity. She'd felt exposed and vulnerable at times with him—with what they were embarking. She thought the one act of his pushing himself inside of her ended her virginity—like crossing a line—but it had seemed more like a process. There were days of being together before she could relax and even fully understand all that was happening to her, to him and between them. Derek had been so patient with her… well… after that first time.

The first time he hadn't been patient at all and it had hurt as much as it had felt amazing and been everything she wanted. He'd been so worked up and upset to give in to his feelings for her that she didn't think he had really enjoyed it very much either.

But after that, he had taken everything very slowly, step by step, like a lesson.

"_Do you like this? Where I'm touching you?" His breath is hot in her ear. _

"_Yes!" she gasps._

"_It's better if you let me take your off your jeans…I'm going to take them off you. But just to do this. I'm keeping mine on…for now." _

"_But can't we just…"_

"_Not yet. You'll like it better if we make this part last."_

Casey felt herself flush hot, even though the ice arena was freezing. It was better if she didn't think about those early days. When she focused on the game again she noticed that Derek was getting penalized for slashing. She rolled her eyes as Sam knocked Derek back and held him from jumping on the other guy. Derek had already thrown his gloves to the ice, ready to fight. _"Oh, Derek…"_ he was going to be keyed up and irritable after the game now.

It was humiliating to have to hide in the bathroom while her mother and everyone left. These crazy precautions were all Derek's paranoid doings. She had finally convinced him that he didn't need to keep a constant watch over her at home but the weird stand-off between him and George was still in place. Derek wanted things "toned down" between them in front of their parents but he wouldn't pretend to "back-off" either. So she had to pretend to go out with imaginary friends instead of him but still sit next to him on the couch or at the table after dinner to study. Derek's fear of her breaking down from the pressure mingling with his threatened pride--George's attempt to lay down the law with him was apparently too much constriction for Derek to stomach. Sometimes Casey felt caught in a tug of war of wills between father and son that actually had very little to do with her.

Meanwhile, both her mom and Lizzie had pounced the minute Derek had let up his constant hovering over her. Not together, but more "subtly," one at a time.

Her mother had asked a million questions about college applications and scholarships and hinted that Casey's future depended on her serious and studious attitude—"good you broke up with Max, when you did, Honey" and "There really isn't room in your life for a boyfriend right now."

Casey was pretty sure that her mom wasn't sharing with George any of her _real _concerns over her daughter's involvement with his son. It made Casey sad to think that George probably wouldn't have contradicted her if she had—it was clear that George was far more concerned about alienating Nora than he was about giving Derek a fair chance. _Oh who am I kidding? This probably is a fair chance as far as Derek and relationships are concerned. No, I can trust him. I do trust him…_

Lizzie had been the most direct. Creeping in her room one evening to ask, "What is going on?" and to add, "Could you make things any more awkward around here, Casey?"

For once Casey's tendency to burst into dramatic tears worked in her favor and Lizzie was immediately apologetic and understanding.

"It's just weird, Casey…but not bad…not _exactly_ bad…"

Then after a while of, "God, you don't think Edwin is looking at me and thinking…" A quick shudder, "No way…just 'cause you and Derek are perv…I mean…"

Casey had just sat on her bed and cried. She had finally been pitiful enough that Lizzie had put aside all her disapproving comments to give Casey a hug—that Casey clung back to in complete sincere and desperate thanks.

Most creepily, Edwin seemed to regard her as exactly the _defended possession_ that all Derek's hovering had declared her to be. He handed her the television remote, gave up his spot in line for the bathroom and deferred food to her the same way he did with Derek. Apparently, her position as "Derek's girlfriend" was an astronomically higher ranking than that of "stepsister."

Casey shook her head in disgust and looked at her watch. She figured she should wait in the bathroom for another seven minutes and then she could meet Derek and Sam by the lockers. The three of them were going to a party—Sam was meeting some girl from Southern Hills Prep there with her friends. _This should be interesting… _Since dating Max, Casey had gone to several parties that included Derek but never _with_ Derek.

She pulled a lip-gloss from her bag and dabbed it on in the mirror. There was a burst of giggling and the bathroom door opened. Amy, Courtney and Samantha all bounded into the room a cloud of perfume and the sweetish stench of alcohol surrounded them. _Great… Maybe I don't need to wait the whole seven minutes…_

"Oh My God! Look who's here! Klutzilla—run for your life!" Courtney slurred all her words together so that "run for your life" was really only a guess on Casey's part.

Casey took a deep breath and jammed her lip-gloss back into her bag. When she turned to leave Samantha put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Wait!" She took a step to block Casey's exit, "It isn't Klutzilla anymore…remember Amy? She's _Slutzilla _now!"

Casey's heart stopped on the word. She remembered calling herself the same thing…

"_I've been broken up with Max for only ten hours, Derek! I'm the definition of slutty!"_ _She tried to wrap the sheet around her body—wanted to salvage something of the girl she had believed herself to be._

_Derek had only laughed at her. "How can you be a slut? That first time—what even WAS that? Something neither of us could control…" _

_Derek REALLY wasn't taking this seriously; he yanked the sheet away from her and she yelped …but that only made him laugh harder. _

"_Casey, How can you be a slut? I just now had to basically EXPLAIN everything that I was doing to you…"_

"_Oh My God! Stop! Stop! You're making it worse!"_

Tears stung behind Casey's eyes. If she didn't already feel so horrible about herself for jumping right from Max to …

"Samantha, you're embarrassing yourself!" Amy pulled her friend out of Casey's path. From her clear words and movements it was obvious that the head cheerleader wasn't nearly as intoxicated as the other two girls.

Amy locked eyes with Casey and nodded at her.

"I'm not embarrassing myself! Jeez, I was just kidding around!" Samantha practically fell over from Amy's yank to her arm before stumbling to the mirror. "Courtney, give me your compact—quick—I'm starting to look all splotchy again."

Courtney tripped over to her friend's rescue. She up ended her purse and dumped an avalanche of make-up onto the bathroom counter.

Amy glanced disgustedly at them before turning back to Casey, "Samantha is an idiot."

Casey sighed and glanced at her feet, "Well, I was expecting it in a way…"

"Why should you expect it?" Amy countered. "You didn't do anything wrong." She gave Casey a wry smile, "You know, Max didn't waste any time moving from me to you and no one called him a slut."

Casey relaxed a little. "Yeah?" she said softly.

Amy nodded. "and I appreciate what you did in Chem class—that you keep…well you know."

"Tossing him back your way?" Casey said with a wry smile of her own. "I wish he would be thankful for having you as his friend, instead of thinking he and I were going to magically work things out."

Amy nodded, her eyes appraising Casey with respect the way they had back in Chemistry class. "So, there's a party at Tim Lovingson's house tonight. Do you want to come with us?" She turned to give the other two girls another disdainful glance. "I promise Samantha will be passed out or locked in a bedroom with some hockey player within the hour."

Casey tried not to look as shocked as she felt. She still wasn't used to the party scene. _I guess, as long as it isn't my hockey player… _ "Um, no thanks. I mean, Actually, I'm already going to Tim's party. I'm meeting Derek in…" Casey gave her wristwatch a quick look and caught her breath, "oops, right now!"

"See you there then," Amy said, friendly again—the way she had been after the heart to heart about the pep-rally.

Casey walked as fast as she could down the ramps that leading towards the home team lockers. Derek always bitched if he had to wait for her.

She didn't even care if he was mad though. Because of school, their family and the game, she hadn't been able to touch him for nearly 24 hours. When she saw him standing beside Sam at the locker room doors she launched herself into his arms and kissed him.

. . . . . . . .

Okay, so, 30 seconds ago, he'd been pissed off beyond belief. First, that asshole from Northern High had cross-checked him—gotten nothing. Then when Derek had retaliated, the ref had been all over him.

Next, he'd run right into Amy and her little cheerleader friends—all of them drunk and obnoxious. That tall girl, Sam or Samantha, or whatever her name was, had ground her hips against him and told him she "missed the fun we had, Baby," and breathed her nasty gin breath all over him.

And, Finally, Casey was late AGAIN.

How could that girl manage to be the epitome of punctual for everyone except him? He was ALWAYS having to wait on her ass…if she didn't show up in the very next _minute _he was going to…

And then she was in his arms, and her mouth was against his, and he was …fine.

Okay so maybe it wasn't really any of those other things that had him so tense.

"Umm, guys?"

Derek had forgotten all about Sam standing next to him. When he broke away from Casey he saw his friend looking at the two of them with an expression of utter shock. _What's his problem?_

"Yeah, lets get going." Derek took Casey's hand. He didn't care who saw them—it had been way too long since he had touched her to let go.

When they got into the cold night air, Derek loped an arm around her and pulled her against his side. Sam still shot them sort of disbelieving, amazed glances as they walked through the parking lot to Derek's car. Casey's cheeks were a little red under her first boyfriend's scrutiny, but it was also the first time they had been openly affectionate in front of another person. So, Derek didn't read too much into her blush.

It turned out that Casey knew the Southern Hill's Prep girl Sam had meet them at Tim's house. Carrie, or Sheri, maybe Terry—Derek didn't catch the name right because the music was too loud.

The only thing to drink was beer and the house was swarming with people. Derek was certain he knew how this party would end—eventually one of the neighbors would have enough and call the police.

"You okay?" Casey and he still held hands but it was so packed and crazy in the house that they had to if they wanted to keep from losing track of each other.

Casey winced when a short blond threw her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers. Derek leaned away from the girl, his gaze still on Casey.

"Let's go outside!" he nodded his head towards the back door.

Casey nodded back at him.

The blond was still hanging on his neck so he let go of Casey to disentangle himself. "Sorry, I'm kinda busy here, Babe," he said to the blond. Out of habit he winked at the girl before walking away.

Casey scowled at him and he laughed. He came closer behind her and threw both arms around her. "Lead the way," he whispered in her ear and smiled when she shivered.

Outside, Derek found the keg and poured himself a beer. "You want?" he asked her but she wrinkled her nose at him. "I could check the fridge—see if there might be juice or…"

"And have to go back through the kitchen—I don't think so."

The back door opened and Sam lurched onto the back patio with the Southern Hills girl pressed against him.

"Hey Casey! Hey Derek!" Sam's "date" was more than a little drunk and evidently hadn't made the adjustment from the deafening noise inside to the quiet of outside. "What are you two doing out here?" she shouted. "We aren't interrupting anything are we?"

The girl laughed wildly at her own "joke."

Derek gave Sam a smirk. "Having a good night, Dude?"

"She's driving me crazy," Sam muttered through clenched teeth.

"Drink faster and it wont matter what she's like, you won't know the difference," Derek suggested before he could catch himself.

"Derek!" _Crap!_

"Sorry! Sorry!" He dodged Casey's slaps . "You're going to make me spill my beer!"

"Drink faster!" she snarled at him and turned away. When she started to pout he leaned in to kiss her.

"Whoa I just can't get used to you guys like this." Sam sputtered. Derek raised his eyebrows at him. It wasn't like his friend to say something so…foreword? revealing? _Maybe he doesn't need to drink faster after all._

"I think you two are sweet! Casey, talks about you all the time in dance class. You're just as cute as she said you were," the Southern Hill's girl slurred.

Derek turned surprised to Casey. _She said I was cute?_

Casey looked more panicked than embarrassed, "Oh…Jeri…that wasn't…"

"You're awfully scrawny for a football captain though." The girl—_Jeri apparently!_—leaned over to Derek and squeezed his bicep and giggled. "Solid though."

Sam winced and pulled Jeri away from him. "Okay, let's leave these two alone. Why don't we?"

"Where are we going?" she slurred. Sam pulled her over to the shadowed edge of the yard where a few other couples were already making out.

After the two of them wandered away he was left alone with Casey and a lot of silence.

He took a drink and came back to lean against the house and look at the night sky.

Casey leaned against him. "I'm sorry, Derek"

Derek shrugged, _so the girl had confused him with Max_, "About what?"

"You would probably be in there and living it up if I wasn't here, huh? Max never really liked being at parties with me either."

"What the hell are you talking about, Case? I like being here with you." Then the other part of what she had said registered and he felt his mood darken a little. "I hate it when you talk about Max."

Casey gaped at him, "I'm not talking about Max; I'm talking about me! You need to get over this obsession you have with him. Do you know why I even feel so terrible about what I did to him?—not that I broke up with him! I feel bad that I ever dated him in the first place—that I dragged him into what was so clearly a…personality breakdown I was having at the time."

Derek closed his eyes—he really didn't want to ask what he was about to ask—but he had to. "Are you sure about that, Case? because I think just about everyone else in the world would say that _this_ is the personality breakdown. Maybe _I'm_ the phase you're going through and being Max's girlfriend was the real you." He was ashamed at the way his voice broke at the end.

He didn't want her to say something nice right now just because she felt sorry for his pathetic ass.

"How can you even say that?" Casey wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and leaned into him. "You know me better than everyone. You know who I really am. This is real. We're real, Derek."

He buried his face into her hair and against her neck. She smelled like that fancy body wash stuff she used. It was enough to root his swirling emotions back to something that made sense. God, he wasn't going to cry was he? _No. No way._

He held her against him and let her warmth and smell seep into him and it was the best he'd felt all day.


	7. Chapter 7

. . . . . . . . . . .

Derek was sitting on the Lovingson's dining table, miming with a kitchen broom how he had gotten the slashing penalty, "So then I just barely am like tapping him away from me…"

"Dude, you slapped him back hard in the shins!"

"I was trying to keep from running right over him—I probably saved his life or something."

"No way Dude! You sent him flying like four feet backwards!"

"Ralph, who's side are you on here? Are you transferring to Northern High soon? Was that guy a relative of yours or something?"

One of the hockey players poured a beer on Ralph's head. Ralph didn't seem to really mind about the beer but he sputtered in disbelief at Derek's accusations. "But that was how it happened! Didn't anyone else see it besides me?" Ralph got pushed to the edge of the crowd and gave his head a shake, spraying everyone around him.

"Ralph!" A group of girls against the wall all screamed in unison at the oblivious boy. Amy was one of them; she was wiping droplets off her cheeks when Casey handed her a pack of tissues.

"Thanks! Oh hey! Casey!"

The friendly greeting was _almost funny_ to Casey. Amy probably would have counted Casey among her worst enemies just a few days before—but, only _almost_ funny because it was Max's annoying persistence in trying to get back together that had allowed Casey to prove she wasn't Amy's competition. Not willingly at least.

Amy craned her neck to look over Casey's shoulder, "Are you here alone?"

"No, Derek and I gave Sam a ride. He met a girl from Southern Hill's Prep that I know through dance competitions."

Amy rolled her eyes, "That poor girl. I'm so glad that _**I **_never let things get serious with your brother; what a scammer."

Casey felt her face drain of color; her lips turned cold. "_Step_-brother… and, actually he…" she had to clear her throat. "What I meant is that Derek isn't …"

Suddenly, Courtney barged between the two girls to hand Amy a beer. "Oh my god this place is a zoo!"

"Are you sure that you should be drinking that, Courtney?" Amy sipped from her own beer watching the way her friend gulp a drink. "You're pretty drunk already." Amy turned to give Casey a meaningful look. "Casey you've got to be the only one here who doesn't seem completely wasted. Courtney –give your drink to her and then go sit down or something."

Courtney looked into the sloshing foam in her cup. "Maybe you're right Ames—I don't want to end up doing something I'll regret." The girl handed Casey her drink. "Like last month at Laurie's birthday…"

Amy nodded vigorously at the girl, "See that's just what I was talking about! Derek Venturi is such a man-whore! Casey set him up tonight with some friend of hers and he obviously is completely ignoring the poor girl. Or did she go home? He already got what he wanted and blew her off didn't he? "

Casey's eyes went wide, "NO! See…Derek's actually…"

Courtney appeared to be focusing unsteadily on where Derek was still telling his manipulated version of who deserved the night's hockey penalties. "Too bad he's so completely hot though, huh. You said so yourself, Amy," Courtney sighed, leaning back against the Lovingson's dining room wall. "Let me tell you, that was the best sex of my life!"

Amy made a huffing noise, "I wouldn't know Courtney! I wasn't about to get in a bed with Derek Venturi—he's only in it for one thing. I'm not the 'notch in the bed post type I guess," she finished with a sneer.

Casey took a big swig out of the beer Courtney had handed her. _Oh my God!_ She looked anxiously over the heads of the little crowd of admirers that Derek had gathered around him. _Look this way! Please look this way!_ But he was too involved in reliving the miracle goal he had made at the end for her to have much faith that he was even wondering where she was. She took another couple of drinks from the plastic cup.

Courtney seemed to be drawn into the admirers and towards Derek as if she was in trance from her memories of having "the best sex of her life" Casey turned away abruptly. "I think I need to get some air." She started pushing people aside to get to the back door again. Maybe she could find Sam and Jeri and see if they were ready to leave yet. She didn't realize that Amy was still right behind her until she was back in the cold night air and the quiet.

Amy was shaking out a pack of cigarettes. "Looks like we had the same thing in mind, huh?" She offered one to Casey.

"Oh, no I don't smoke. I just had to get out of that crowd."

Amy lit her cigarette from a long silver lighter and took a drag. "I'm kind of surprised you're here Casey." Casey felt her eyes on her as she dumped the rest of the beer out onto the grass. "This doesn't really seem like your scene, ya know?"

Casey rubbed at her temples, "It isn't." The beer was already churning in her stomach and she had a hell of a headache brewing. She thought of telling Amy the real reason she was so anxious to get out of that room but she felt like an idiot after all that had been said. It would just make things awkward between them and things had only just stopped being awkward.

"So you and Sam got back together? Max had been thinking you got together with some nobody named Noel Covington. What a moron! Who would dump the captain of the football team… Anyway, I told him that the 'other guy' was probably Sam. You guys were so in love before and everything." Amy's cigarette was turning to ash as she babbled on.

_And Derek says I ramble? I wish he could hear this!_ No, actually, with Derek's new crazed possessive streak that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

He made such a big deal of telling her that he "wouldn't have done anything" to Noel when he had seen them saying goodbye in the parking lot. _What a liar!_ He had been staring daggers at her.

… "_so if you want to borrow the cd I can grab it out of my car for you…Casey?"_

"_I'm sorry, Noel" she said hurriedly ducking her head from her step-brother's glare. He was leaning against his car waiting for her and watching her. Three other hockey players were standing with him, all of them slouching in that apathetic "to cool to care" imitation of Derek. Why did everyone who hung out with him always try and act like him too? They were just inflating his already humongous ego! _

"_Sure, I'd love to borrow it. If you don't mind lending it to me?" _

_Noel smiled at her. He was always so nice to her—and a really sincere guy. Derek better not be a jerk to him. "Yea. No problem. My car's over here." _

_Ha! Derek can just wait there for her! She glanced up to see his jaw tighten when she followed Noel over to his car. She turned her back on him to watch Noel sift through a pile of cds on the passenger side floor of his Honda. "It's somewhere in here." He pulled one out and held it between his long fingers. "Ah hah!" Noel smiled at her. "Do you want to hear it right now? I could give you a ride home if you want." _

"_Not so fast, Covington." Casey whirled around to see that Derek and his little posse of imitators had come up behind them. One of the wannabe Dereks had said it. She didn't try to figure out which one though. Derek looked kind of pissed off at her; she was staring at him. _

"_Damnit, Woman, why does it take you so long to get out here everyday." He growled at her. _

_Yeah right, Derek. "I wait for you at Hockey practice nearly every day. It won't kill you to wait for me this once." _

_Derek made a dramatic sigh and gesture, "take your time then" he said scornfully. He folded his arms over his chest like he was going to stand the few feet behind her while she listened to the cd. One of the wannabe's crossed his arms the same way. _

_Casey rolled her eyes. "Fine! I'm ready!" she turned to Noel and smiled apologetically. "I'll tell you what I think tomorrow, okay? I really appreciate your lending me this." _

_Noel looked unaffected by the exchange between the stepsiblings. Derek and Casey's bickering was familiar to everyone at J Thompson, no matter which social circles you ran in. "I'll see you tomorrow, Casey." He stretched around her to smile jokingly at Derek and the others, "Have a good practice guys." _

_Derek narrowed his eyes at the smart-ass comment but Casey caught the look before anyone else could and tugged at the sleeve of his leather jacket. "Well here I AM! Now who's taking too long?" _

_She yanked her stepbrother away from Noel and the narrow eyed stare shifted to her. She was probably the only person in the school who got that look from him without the slightest twinge of fear. "Well, Derek?!" _

"…if I wanted to get a pizza or something because he didn't think he was up to partying tonight. I swear, when will that idiot just take no for an answer and…" Casey realized that Amy was still talking to her. _What was she talking about? Max?_

"You mean Max, is he going to coming tonight?"

"Duh. Have you been listening? " Amy seemed a little less steady on her feet than she had earlier. "Stupid Samantha called him to tell him we ran into you—I think she thought it would make up for what she said earlier or …"

Casey groaned. She was now officially having a terrible night. "I need to get out of here."

Amy looked at something over Casey's shoulder, "Well here comes Sam, anyway." Amy gave a longing look towards where Sam approached them and sighed. "You're lucky to have someone who really loves you, Casey."

. . . . . . . . . . .

Derek wasn't sure how long he had been sucked into that discussion about the game. It seemed like Troy or Raleigh had given him shit about how many penalties he got—assholes—they were both just mediocre players as far as Derek was concerned. Hell, he might get a lot of penalties but at least he made up for it as soon as he was outside the box. He was still fuming at his "_buddies" _ attempt to deflect how obviously untalented they were compared to him.

He pulled another long drink from his cup. _How many of these have I had?_

He thought he had seen Casey standing against the wall talking to Amy. But, she was nowhere in sight now. Damnit, she was probably pissed off at him. He ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly there was a skimpily dressed red-head standing in front of him.

"Derek, it's good to run into you again. We've hardly seen each other since Laurie's party last month."

_Oh shit._ "Um, yeah, good to see you too." Okay think Derek, think… "Courtney." _Oh I am so good! _ He smirked, "Good to see you too, Courtney." _There! That was downright polite and …um …sensitive…considering the things they had done…he could feel good about himself. Okay, niceties over._ "Say, you're here with Amy, right? Did you see where she went? I think she might be with my …step-sister."

Courtney frowned at him and then stepped a little closer. She placed a warm hand on his chest and let her fingers drift between he buttons. "Who cares about them though, right?" Courtney smiled up at him and licked her lips.

Derek tried hard to keep the impatience out of his voice. "Actually, I really need to find Casey. Did they go upstairs or…"

Courtney slid her hand more fully into his shirt and traced her nails along his chest. "Maybe we should go upstairs and look for them?" she cooed into his ear.

Derek was a little surprised at how his body was reacting somewhat to having this girl press herself against him and touch him. Sure, it felt good. He wasn't dead or anything. But it wasn't what he wanted. Because, hot as this girl was, he didn't really want her — she wasn't Casey. He was a little grossed out by her, as a matter of fact, just like earlier when that tall girl—her friend Samantha—had tried to remind him of a similar night the two of them had shared.

Derek pushed the girl's hand off of him, "I'm only going upstairs with you to find Casey," he sing-songed back into her ear. That really seemed to make Courtney mad.

"Amy was right about you. She was talking to your loser sister about how she was glad she never got together with a whore like YOU, Derek Venturi."

Derek got completely still and then pulled Courtney closer to him. He whispered harshly to her, "What did she tell, Casey?"

Courtney misunderstood the whisper and the strength of Derek's grip. She leaned into him with lust-hooded eyes, "I stuck up for you. I said that you were the best sex of my life and that she missed out…hey! Where are you going?!"

_Okay—where is she?_ He knew that Casey wasn't completely oblivious to his "experiences" with other girls but that didn't mean he wanted anyone bringing up specifics or flaunting it around her. There were even some things that he hoped she never had to hear about—the whole debacle with Beth being one. She had never mentioned anything to him about it but that didn't necessarily mean that she didn't know about it. Usually, when he did something that really brought their parents down on him—she just left it alone. He knew now that it had been out of sympathy, before he had just figured she was repulsed by him.

"_Okay – the worst thing I ever thought of you? Its more something I did." He was running his fingers up and down her body. Her skin was softest under her breasts and against her neck, the insides of her thighs…_

"_You have to pick something I don't know about…" Casey had, of course, developed a set of rules for their post-coital confessions. She went. Then he went. Then she went. Then it was always supposed to be his turn again but they usually got sidetracked with kissing and other things. _

"_Give me a second here…I have to work up to this…" _

_He really felt bad about it. Awful. Their parents had asked her to babysit again—didn't even consider him. He'd had to fake like he was glad about it—smug even. He had dumped some syrup of Ipecac into her coffee. His dad had the stuff on hand at all times because of Marti's tendency to "taste" the cleaning supplies. _

_Casey had been so pathetic vomiting into the kitchen trash. He hadn't expected the stuff to work so fast and so…violently. He'd almost confessed to… poisoning her. Realizing what he had done to her out of jealousy and to take her "babysitting job" away had shamed him immensely. He had gone out of his way to be nice to her the entire night. Later he had found out that the syrup of Ipecac crap was banned for use in the home and the realization he might have __**actually hurt **__Casey when he had "pranked" her—yeah right—some "prank"-- made his own stomach act up for days. _

_So what if she had sometimes rooted against him at hockey? That was nothing next to poisoning your own step-sister! She listened to him with only a little indignation. But mostly, she had listened with more empathy than he deserved._

_And, in the end, Casey had only laughed at him, "Can you even cook?" He had pulled her hair and they had struggled against each other they way they had once battled for the remote or the last can of soda until he pinned her hands to the bed. _

"_I want you, Casey."_

"_Me, too."_

Casey wasn't upstairs, _Thank God_.

She wasn't in any of the darkened rooms downstairs or dancing at the impromptu rave going on in the family room, _Thank God again_.

He was trying not to freak-out here, but remembering their moments alone—her softness—her trust in him—he was angry at himself for forgetting how uneasy she had been earlier.

Even with all the beer he'd drunk, he could tell that, wherever Casey was, she wasn't having a good time. This was so not her scene. _But she's okay. Of course she's okay…right?_ And who knew what she was thinking now that that bitch Amy had decided to tell her a bunch of crap about his previous sex life…_ and Courtney had said something about the two of them too_…

Fuck! He had to find her—she wouldn't have just left without him would she? This was Casey, queen of the dramatic exit—of course she would. So…she was going to walk home in the cold and the night…with a bunch of drunk teenagers driving by her—_if anyone even touches her…_ He was shaking from something—he told himself it was anger. But, he wouldn't get far just on foot; _I should probably find Sam. Get the jeep so we can find her._ He went outside to the backyard, where he had last seen Sam and his plastered "date".

"Casey? Sam?"

He stood still in shock. Sam had his arms around Casey and she was leaning into him. They looked exactly like any of the other couples making out . He was running his hands up and down her back, then smoothing her hair back from her face.

"What the HELL is going on?" Derek bellowed.

Suddenly no one was making out and everyone was watching the three of them. Derek had pulled Casey out of his friend's embrace and thrown the both of them to the ground before he realized what was happening.

"Derek!"

"Dude, she was getting sick. She drank a beer and it made her sick!"

Casey looked like she was trying to decide between bursting into tears and ripping him apart with her bare hands. "Do you need to see where I threw up, Derek?! Do you want to ask, Amy? I hurled beer all over her new shoes!"

Derek was panting and wide-eyed. He wasn't sure WHAT he had been thinking or WHAT he had planned to do about it. Amy moved from behind him; he'd barged right by her without seeing her. "It's true! Casey was sick and Sam was just being a good boyfriend. What is your problem anyway? You treat girls like _sluts_ and then you expect your step-sister to act like…like… the Virgin Mary!"

Derek's eyes nearly popped out of his head at the girl's angry rant. Amy was drunk, mad, and getting ready to slap him by the looks of things. He stepped back out of her reach and leaned to offer a hand to Casey. _God, I actually pushed her. I knocked her to the ground!_

"No thanks!" she hissed at him. Casey stood and brushed grass and leaves from her jean skirt. Sam didn't look very inclined to take Derek's help either when he finally stood up. _"Being a good boyfriend…" Derek could still hear Amy's words in his head._ Who knew what the crazy bitch had meant or thought, but he still felt like he had stepped back in time to when his best friend and the girl who he liked… His body was tensed and ready for a fight.

"Derek, man—you are such a …" but Sam ended up just shaking his head at his friend instead of finishing the sentence. "Listen, Jeri's in the car passed out—I'm going to take her home." Sam seemed to be gathering courage and indignation with each word. "So, if you want a ride then you have to leave…NOW."

Sam headed past him, looking for a minute like he was going to shoulder check him as he passed but changing his mind at the last minute. Casey had her arms crossed in front of her and was fuming. Probably Sam had felt how charged and angry the air between the step-siblings still was and had decided not to divert any of that onto him. "Let Casey deal with you…" he muttered to himself as he walked past.

"Don't you want to go after your boyfriend, Case? He was such a hero a minute ago while you puked up beer all over the place…." It was something he might have said to her before they were together, and it was in the nasty voice that he would have used with her too. He immediately regretted it. He knew that she didn't have any feelings for Sam. He also knew that he should have been fucking grateful that Sam had been here to take care of her while he was inside bragging up his hat trick and defending the major penalty he had completely deserved. ..

He opened his mouth to tell her he was sorry—to announce to the whole goddamn party—well the couples in the backyard at least—that he was an asshole—that she didn't deserve him—that he was the real boyfriend and the one who should have been in the backyard rubbing his girlfriend's back and letting her puke her beer on his shoes. That was, he was going to say all that until…

"Casey? Are you okay? " Max came up behind him walking towards Casey. _Mr. Sincerity…on the scene and ready to offer his shoulder to cry on..the perfect boyfriend…_

Derek spun around and punched Max in the jaw as hard as he could. His hand smarted and stung—something was broken for sure. Max lay on the ground both hands on his face in shock before he spit a tooth onto Tim Lovingson's unkempt backyard.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"You are going to be in so much trouble, Derek!"

"Dude, you knocked his front tooth out…Casey's right. The entire football team is going to kick your ass. Forget Ryan-the fridge kicking it…"

"What?! Oh my God! I wasn't even thinking about that! I meant trouble with Mom and George—oh my God Derek! Will they really try and beat you up? Oh my God…"

"and Coach Peterson is going to freak about your hand!"

"Your hand?! What happened to your hand? Well, of course I know what _happened _to your hand… but is it hurt? Did you hurt it?!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" _Hey—it worked._ He really wasn't expecting them to listen to him. They were all packed into Sam's jeep. Sam was sitting alone up front, like a chauffer. Derek was in the back seat between Casey and Jeri (who had refused to get in the front when they got to the car and hey they were kind of in a hurry to leave) . He was getting practically mauled by Casey who kept patting him down for injuries. _"He didn't even hit me. I hit HIM—you were standing right there. Remember?"_ Jeri kept moaning and slapping at them when they would momentarily rouse her from her drunken slumber. _"Go back to sleep!" _Casey would snap at her when she even touched Derek.

Casey had screamed and thrown herself in front of him when Max finally had the wherewithal to get off the grass and try to get a punch in on Derek.

Sam had come charging back to see what the hell was going on.

"_I knew it! I knew it when I passed Max on the way to the car—I should have turned around then. What the fuck was I thinking? Man I am so sorry!"_

Between Sam beating himself up for not sticking around to defend him and Casey putting herself in the middle of a fight—AGAIN—to try and save him, Derek was feeling like a giant ass.

"Listen—lets just take Jeri home an then we'll figure the rest of it out okay?"

Both Sam and Casey nodded worriedly at him. Casey had taken his hand and pressed it against her boobs like she was afraid it was going to fall off or bleed out. "Baby, that's really kind of making it hurt worse, " he finally told her.

"Oh. Okay," she sniffed. Her bottom lip was trembling. _Oh shit. Oh shit._

Derek started to panic a little now, "Here, Casey take my hand again. You can hold it like you were." He flattened it against her chest the way she'd had it. "It was helping even." He couldn't keep himself from wincing though. Casey took a big trembling breath and started crying, hard.

"Damnit, I'm so sorry. Both of you, I am really sorry. If I hadn't lost it on the two of you back there, then none of this would have happened."

Casey was still sobbing but she nodded and Sam sighed. "Dude, what the hell got into you back there anyway?"

Derek shrugged and let his head lie back on the seat. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just am getting crazy over …the past. I just …oh fuck…I don't know. "

Sam gave him an amused head-shake, "Well that clears it up for me. How about you, Casey?"

Derek looked at her from the corner of his eye. She seemed to have herself back under control enough to talk. "I don't understand why you keep getting so jealous over my past?" She sounded completely sincere and not bitter or accusing the way she deserved to sound. It was one of the things that confounded him about her. She just didn't seem to get that romantic jealousy gene that everyone else had: She hadn't understood why Amy would have a problem with her trying out for cheerleading. She never seemed to be able to comprehend why girls Sam dated weren't always nice to her. Emily's continued cold shoulder was a mystery to her.

"I saw a girl throw her arms around you tonight—I had a girl even tell me about having sex with you and I'm not freaking out."

He was embarrassed by his own jealousy and took it out on her. "Not everyone can be as perfect as you, Casey" he sneered half heartedly –mostly out of habit. But he knew she still expected a real answer. Sam was pretending to be very interested in the road in front of him.

Finally Derek shrugged and sighed. "When I saw you tonight…" _Oh what the hell he might as well acknowledge that Sam was listening in on this. _His one real friend deserved to know why he had attacked him. "When I saw _the two of you_ tonight, " he said louder. "I guess I was remembering—you know—about how it used to feel to see you together." He rubbed at his hair with his hurt hand and sucked in a sharp breath.

"Are you all right?" Casey cradled his hand again.

"Case, it isn't your fault. It isn't yours either, Sam. I guess I …" he cleared his throat. "I think I liked you for a long time—while you dated Sam and while you dated Max and when Kendra tried to set you up with all those losers." He felt his face get hot and flushed. "And now it's like I finally have a right to…feel it all. Do you know?" He wasn't sure who he was directing that question towards: Casey, Sam or himself.

Sam gave him a serious nod in the rearview mirror. The kind that said he did know—or at least knew that it was a hard thing to admit to—and that he would respect Derek enough to never bring it up again.

But Derek was more concerned with Casey's reaction. He didn't want to look over at her and see that she was shocked, disgusted or …he wasn't sure what to expect exactly. He had acted so immature with her for so long, had been mean to her, professed to hate everything about her. Well, now she knew that the whole time he had been harboring all this…what? He wasn't going to say the L word here in the back of Sam's jeep. _And definitely not while Sam was listening in like this! Sam had probably told her the same thing in this very jeep. As a matter of fact, who knows what they had…_but he wasn't going to let his mind go that way again tonight.

Finally the quiet pause got to be too much for him and he turned to face her. She was looking at him tenderly, until she finally leaned in to press her lips softly against his. "That's all over now," she whispered.

Derek closed his eyes and let her kiss him again. And again.

. . . . . .


	8. Chapter 8

. . . . . . . . . . .

All hell had broken loose at home the minute they walked in the door. Max's mother called before Derek could even close the door behind them.

George was on the phone talking in his lawyer voice. Casey found it amusing that he paced and ran a hand through his hair just the way Derek did under pressure. Her mother's gaze only got colder when she saw Casey's slight smile though.

Casey's own mood had lightened considerably once she'd made certain that Derek's hand wasn't seriously injured. She had insisted that they take Derek to the Emergency Room after they finally unloaded Jeri from the back of Sam's jeep and got her into her house.

That was probably the beginning of their getting in trouble actually—Jeri's parents had taken one look at their completely inebriated and disheveled daughter and called Sam's parents threatening to make sure Sam "was prosecuted to the fullest extent under the law." It had been George's first round of lawyer-voiced appeasement for the night.

When Sam had slowed to drop the two of them off, they had all three gaped in horror at his parents' car parked in their driveway—all the lights were on in the house.

Casey couldn't resist snidely sing-songing, "I told you so" to the two of them.

She knew it would only ignite a battle between the two of them but she was strung out from watching the doctors poke and pull at his hand and putting him up with his Mr. Stoic – "I don't need anything for the pain" attitude. _Didn't he realize that she could tell when they hurt him?_ And, that it made things so much harder on her than they had to be! _Always the stupid cool guy!_

She thought she would go insane worrying about his hand, revenge bent football players, whatever punishment George would dole out—and it was going to be a bad one because George had so obviously wanted a reason to lay into Derek all week.

Then there was his hand injury. What about hockey?—Casey still felt like she needed to make up for all the times she had wished for his failure in the one thing he was really good at. And, now, if he couldn't play… he was hoping for a scholarship too!

As soon as Sam had chucked that stupid slut, Jeri, into her house, Casey had a melt down: tears, screaming, threats to use her cell phone—Derek was going to the Emergency Room and getting that hand looked at!

"And no one said you were wrong, Miss Prissy. Anyway, no one is going to come down on you tonight. Just go up to your room and stay there until I come up…" Derek's voice was low and mean. He was going to try and scare her into doing what he said--he was going to try the over-protective bit with her again.

_I don't think so._"Yeah right, Derek. If anyone should stay in their room and wait it out it should be you—obviously you can't handle intense situations!"

Derek's jaw clenched, "I've been fielding them for this entire past week, in case you haven't noticed…"

"Only because you don't trust me not to curl into fetal position while my mother chases big bad Derek away from her precious baby daughter…"

"Is that what she's been trying?! I knew you weren't telling me something!" He hit his gauze and brace shielded hand against the seat.

"Careful with your hand!" she screeched at him. It was a tiny hairline fracture and would heal in a week but she could still see his white bones from the x-ray in her mind. The tiny crack had been hard to see but she'd made the doctor trace it out for her.

Derek had rolled his eyes at her and tried to push her out of the room even, but she wasn't taking his crap. "I need to know. I don't trust you to take this seriously—I'm staying!" His eyes had softened a little at her blatant concern and she had seen her opening. The doctor ended up going over all the specifics with her and patting Derek on the knee like a child.

"Um…Derek? Casey? Can we just go inside now? I would rather get this over with…" They had both forgotten completely about Sam. Casey looked at Derek and saw her own shame reflected in his expression. Sam was a good friend to both of them—probably the best friend they had.

"Sam doesn't deserve ANY of this, Derek."

"I got you." He'd made that hard nod that always meant "I'll take care of it" with Derek. Casey had felt a flash of affection for him. Good or bad—he always came through when had that look.

Now that the problem with Jeri had been firmly put to bed—Casey had "testified" to the fact that the girl was already drunk when they got to the party and that Sam had actually been quite decent to see that she didn't drive herself home—Sam's parents were satisfied to leave and let George handle Max's irate mother and "the situation" that had obviously developed between the step-siblings.

Derek and Casey sat beside each other on the couch listening to George console Max's mother from the apparent rage she had worked herself into. Casey winced at each concession her step-father made, "Of course we expect to pay Max's dental bill," and "and naturally getting the suede jacket cleaned as well." She knew that each of these concessions equaled a harsher punishment for Derek.

Even when they hadn't gotten along, and she thought he hated her, she'd felt pity when everything came down on him. Her life had been pretty sheltered growing up without brothers, neither she, nor Lizzie ever got into the kind of trouble that Derek managed to bring down on himself. She knew she should be filled with a sense of triumph those times that Derek finally felt the harsh consequences for what he had done, but she hadn't ever been anything but sympathetic to his suffering.

"_You were pretty glad about that weren't you…" his confession wasn't really a confession at all—more an apology about losing the suitcases when they had all gone to Disneyland. _

_He'd put them on a cart in the airport but then, while he waited outside for everyone to bring round the rental van he had left the cart alone on the sidewalk while he bummed a cigarette from a trampy looking blond and tried to chat her up. George had been furious enough to threaten to ground him into spending the entire vacation in the hotel room. _

"_No, I wasn't! I never even said a word about it, not even on the trip. "_

_He rolled on top of her to look into her eyes. He wanted to know if she was lying—she knew him—knew how he thought. "I didn't want them to ground you. I felt bad for you."_

_He hid his face in the side of her neck—sometimes she hated to tell him these things. It almost hurt him worse to know that she cared about him than it did when she got irritated or yelled at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He ran his lips up and down the skin of her neck. _

_Finally he whispered, "I thought you just couldn't stand me—that I had ruined your vacation." He was looking at her again—his eyes were very dark in the moonlight. She wanted to tell him that she loved him—that she might have back then too—because it made more sense for her to have been angry and blaming than the way she had really felt. Truthfully, her heart broke for him when he was in that kind of trouble. "Derek…"_

_He shushed her. He was afraid she was going to pity him…say something too sweet or too maudlin…she knew him so well. But his hand between her legs and his mouth on hers. That was the end of the confessions for the night. _

George was getting red in the face, looking over at where Derek waited beside her, braced and tense but completely still. This was going to be one hell of a blow out. "Both Derek and Casey will apologize. You have my word on that!" George finally said before hanging up.

"Casey doesn't need to apologize to him for anything," Derek said immediately. Max's mother could have even heard him, if she'd waited for George to hang up first. Casey didn't like the sound of Derek's voice. He didn't sound at all sorry, or like he was going to be receptive to whatever George had to tell him. She barely kept herself from turning on him like their parents had, _Max hadn't deserved what happened. _ He really did deserve an apology!

"No, Derek, that isn't how it's going to work tonight." George sounded so un-George like that Casey had to repress a shiver. " I'm going to do the talking and your going to do the listening. There are rules you have to follow if you want to go on living in this house."

Her mom had been watching George and finally turned to look at the two of them. Casey really wished she hadn't let a little of what her mother _really_ felt slip back in Sam's jeep.

Derek had known that her mother didn't approve, but nothing about why. _"You don't trust me not to curl into fetal position while my mother chases big bad Derek away from her precious baby daughter"_ that had NOT been a very smart comeback. She could feel all the wheels turning in her step-brother's brain.

"Casey…" Nora shook her head and sighed. She had expected this attitude—her mother's disappointment—but it still hurt. Her mother was looking at Derek when she said, "Casey, I'm just really disappointed in _all_ the choices you've made lately."

Casey's eyes flicked nervously to Derek, _Oh God! So, NOT the right thing to say here, Mom! _ Derek had been focused on his dad up until that moment—but now that Nora was clearly going to make concrete moves to come between the two of them... She knew that Derek wouldn't go so easy on her mother any more.

He reached over and took Casey's hand before moving his defiant gaze from his father to let it settle firmly on his step-mother.

_Here it is…the one thing I had been fearing the most_… She wanted to make her loyalties clear. "They're still MY choices, Mom. And I think that they've been the best choices I've made since we came to live here." She felt Derek's hand tighten on hers.

She suddenly realized something: _ she was making it harder for him_—to have her here and to have to pit her against her mother. To have her witness as he tried to force his dad to stand-down. It occurred to her that she might have misinterpreted his reasons for wanting her to go up to her room and let him handle things. She thought back to his careful eyes on her in the Emergency Room. _So, he wasn't completely oblivious to how much it bothered her to see him in pain. _

Maybe he wanted her gone so his concern for her didn't hold him back.

Well if that last comment didn't do the trick with her mom—then THIS ought to cement whose side she was on.

She turned to face him suddenly cool and not sheepish or worried in the least. "Do you want me to stay down here, or wait for you upstairs?"

Behind her George practically spit, "I think you should stay down here."

"This concerns you too, Casey," her mother added firmly.

Casey kept her eyes trained calmly on Derek's eyes. In that one moment, no one else existed for her.

"Go upstairs," he whispered tenderly to her. She kissed him briefly on the lips before she stood up. Her mother gasped.

"Casey!" her mother was clearly shocked when Casey walked serenely from the room and climbed the stairs. She tried not to think about Derek down there with the two of them—what he had to deal with while she waited for him.

. . . . . . . . . .

Derek parked the car in front of Max's huge white house; a wide green lawn and neat brick steps led to the large double black varnished doors.

He shook another cigarette out of the pack on the dash and lit it. He'd also had two on the way over to Max's house. Casey was going to bitch about the car smelling like smoke…or maybe not. After last night, she was probably not going to complain about much of anything he did. She tended to go easy on him when he was in trouble with their parents.

He was still immensely grateful that she had whatever epiphany she'd had on the couch beside him and finally listened to him and left the room. The way she'd done it too—_damn!_—it was better than anything he thought she was capable of when it came to the two of them. But, maybe he wasn't really being fair to her to think that. Hadn't she stayed strong through a lot of bullshit that any other girl would have run from?

_When he had finally trudged up to her room that night he'd demanded to get the entire story of what had happened with Amy, Courtney and Samantha. He thought he better make sure she knew a few other names, other girls he'd been with, that would eventually come up. _

"_You don't have to tell me this—I trust you completely." She unbuttoned his shirt and smoothed both it and his leather jacket off his shoulders. They were both whispering—she didn't want to wake Lizzie or Marti—he had no voice left after all that happened downstairs. Her hands felt soothing against his skin. _

"_Well, You're the only one who trusts me, then." He stilled her hands from undressing him. He didn't want sex clouding her mind from accepting what kind of person he had been before her. He didn't want anyone else to tell her crap about him before she heard it from him first. _

"_That isn't true. Anyone who really knows you trusts you." _

_Apparently, Casey decided if he wouldn't let her take HIS clothes off then she would take HERS off. Whoa—he still couldn't watch her even make the most minimal efforts to undress without getting an erection. She only had one button undone and he was ready to throw her to the bed and forget this conversation for another time. _

_When she slithered out of her jean skirt, his heart nearly leapt out of his chest. How many times, in the last three years, had he imagined this little strip-tease while he lay alone in his bed on the other side of that wall?_

_Too many to count._

_And, now, she wasn't just his fantasy. Not anymore—now he could come into this room when he needed to and take her. But not tonight, he couldn't yet…he took a step back from her. _

_He rubbed his hands over his face to try and sober himself out of the haze of lust that was rising over him, "Casey, I've been a real ass with girls in the past. You know a lot of them too. .."_

"_I don't care about any of that." She lay back onto the bed and held out her hand to him. "Come to bed, Derek."_

He saw that some of the curtains were moving in the front room—someone in 'casa de Max' was watching him—curtains also moved in an upstairs bedroom—_two someones_.

"Well, lets get this over with," he said to the empty car. He flicked the cigarette onto the lawn and strolled up the fancy red-brick walk. One victory of the previous evening had been his doing this alone. Casey would not be apologizing to Max for anything that happened last night. She didn't do anything. And, if he was honest with himself, he knew that he wasn't too enthusiastic about the prospect of Casey and Max having a nice heart to heat talk about their feelings or whatever Casey felt like she still owed him. Nope that just was NOT going to happen.

When he got to the double doors he pressed the bell. The chime was loud and echoing; the house on the other side of this impressive set of doors must be monstrous.

They kept him waiting, of course, trying to make him nervous, make him sweat it out there on the ritzy front porch. When one of the doors finally creaked open a stout woman in dress pants, a silky blouse, and pearls stared him down like she thought he was the worst piece of trash, like he smelled bad. _And isn't that what he intended with that marathon smoking jag on the way over here? God, why was he always making things like this harder on himself?! _

"You must be Derek?"

"That's right."

"I hope you appreciate that my son is willing to listen to your apology after what you did to him."

Derek just nodded. Was she going to let him in the house or not? Oh hell, she was probably expecting an apology herself. "I really appreciate both of you accepting my apology. I shouldn't have hit your son like that."

"Then why did you?!" It was Max's voice coming from behind the priggish woman at the door.

_Am I supposed to answer that?_

"I got this, Mom." Max stepped around her to join Derek on the front porch. It was pretty obvious that his mouth was hurting. It was swollen and he had lisped a little on the "this" because of the missing tooth.

Derek might have laughed, if he wasn't the one who would be footing the bill for that tooth. _Jeez, why did it have to be a front tooth? This was going to cost him a fortune!_

Max's mother made another sour face at Derek and slammed the door behind her son. _I guess I'm not invited in._ Derek smirked and rolled his eyes. "Hey, Max" he said in a voice that was flat but not totally unfriendly. _He WAS trying here. _

"I don't get you, Derek. What the hell did I ever do to you? Your sister broke up with me! If you thought you were defending her honor or something, you're wrong. I STILL LOVE her! Casey's the one who…"

"Okay!" Derek really didn't want to hear all about how Max was still in love with his stepsister and whatever dumb-ass plan he had to get her back. "I don't really want to talk about Casey with you." He tried to look and sound dead-fucking serious when he said it. He really, really didn't want to talk about Casey and he thought this would go a lot better between them if he stuck to that plan. _Lets get this over with._

"Listen, I was drunk ," he started. _Not really the truth._ "I didn't know what I was doing." _Not at all the truth._ "Maybe I need to go to alcohol counseling or something. You know, get my problem under control. So…sorry and let me know how much that tooth is going to cost. Bye." _Okay he was just going to go straight to hell for that last one. _ Derek shrugged.

He turned and started to walk down the fancy red brick entrance.

"Wait!" Max ran after him and grabbed Derek's arm. Derek whipped his sleeve out of Max's grip and turned to flash narrowed eyes at him. His hurt hand throbbed remembering the punch he had thrown. _You're already paying for one tooth… _he reminded himself.

Max was nodding at him, "That's what I thought," Max had his lips pursed and his arms folded over his chest. "You've got some kind of grudge against me. What the hell?! What did she say about me?! I WANT to make this right… and _not just_ because her brother wants to kick my ass so bad."

"Just get over it Max. She doesn't want you to make this right," he sneered. "Give it up, man, she isn't interested in you anymore." Derek's voice was still screwed up from the night before, all the shit going down with his dad. He knew he sounded way more angry than anything that could make sense for Max but he couldn't help it. _I've got to get out of here._

"Later" he tried to turn again but Max had moved in front of him and put a hand out to stop him.

"Don't touch me, Man," Derek growled.

"So what the hell is this then?" Max persisted. "You tell your buddy Sam that he ought to fight his own battles if he wants me to stay away from Casey. That's it isn't it? You just want to make sure that your best friend and your sister end up living happily ever after or some shit?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be smart, Max."

He made himself take a breath—calm down. "Casey isn't with Sam again. That was over a long time ago and even if it wasn't, Sam wouldn't have any problem coming down to your showy perfect house and kicking your ass all by himself."

_Okay that was kind of a lie though because he really couldn't imagine Sam doing anything at all like that._ But he still felt a little bad for knocking his friend to the ground and accusing him of cheating with Casey.

Max looked completely deflated at that news that Casey wasn't with Sam. The guy obviously had no other theories about the previous night.

Derek wanted to tell him—BAD. But Casey had made him promise that she could be the one.

"_I don't see how I CAN'T tell him, Case. He's going to want to know what my problem has been with him—why he's missing a damn tooth from his cover model face, ya know?" He was trying to pull his boxers back on without actually getting out of the bed._

_She tugged at his earlobe, "Lazy, aren't you even going to shower?" When he shook his head no, she gave him a disgusted eye roll. She had already showered, gotten dressed and was brushing her hair into neat pigtails. "I just know how you're going to rub it in if you tell Max about us…"_

"_Well, duh." He tried to pull her back down next to him but she wasn't having any of it. _

"_Oh, okay, that's it! Promise me that I will be the one to tell him if he hasn't figured it out yet." _

"_Yeah, sure. Whatever, Case." He smiled up at her and traced his fingers against her lips. She opened them under his touch and he slipped one finger inside her mouth. "Come here," he breathed._

Max was looking at the ground in front of him, his brow furrowed. Derek wanted to walk around him and leave but it still didn't look like Max was done with this. "It was something we did together, wasn't it?" Max finally asked him in a quiet voice.

"Did together?"

"I pressured her; didn't I? I just wanted to touch her, you know? I could have waited for the sex—she thought I couldn't wait, didn't she?"

_Oh Fucking Hell—he was so not going to have THIS conversation with the guy! _

Max looked really guilty about something and Derek felt his gut clench. _I'm going to fucking hit him again…I'm going to kick his ass—really hurt him—and then I'm going to puke all over his perfectly manicured front lawn. _"What did you do to her?"

Max looked up, frightened, either by Derek's tone or by his own fears at what might have ended the relationship. "I just asked her. That was all. I wanted us to…but I would have waited. God!" Max looked really torn up about it. "I scared her off didn't I?"

"No." Derek closed his eyes. _We are both so glad that you only asked, Dude, you have no idea…_ Gratitude because of what had almost happened—at what they had BOTH avoided—gave Derek a small burst of pity for the guy. He cleared his throat.

"She just didn't love you back. I'm sorry." And he was surprised that he really was sorry, too.

Derek couldn't imagine what sort of hell being in love with Casey—with her not loving you back—would be. He'd had a reprieve from whatever that felt like. He'd always believed he hated her during all those years before they were together. _Thank God for denial._

When Max met Derek's eyes again, it was the first time Derek didn't feel like he was looking back at Casey's ex-boyfriend with hatred.

The confusion and sadness on Max's face cleared then and he was looking back at Derek like he'd never seen him before.

_He figured it out. Or, at least he's wondering about it. _

"Later," Derek told him and he knew that Max wasn't going to try and stop him this time. _Looks like they might be able to add another tally mark to the growing list of people who "knew about them." _

Derek rolled down the windows when he drove back home. Maybe he could air the car out enough before Monday so that Casey wouldn't make any cracks about having to "smell like an ashtray" at school. He threw the pack of cigarettes out onto one of the big lawns near Max's house.


	9. Chapter 9

. . . . . . . . . .

Casey had methodically gone through most of her homework the night before, (while Derek was being run over hot coals by George in the family room), so she really only had her honor's thesis to keep her occupied the next morning. She sat at her computer desk trying to focus, but she could hear the various members of her family moving around the house—coming and going. Derek had been gone for about 10 minutes and normally she would have gone downstairs to ask her mom if she needed help with anything—maybe gone out for a while with Lizzie on a beautiful Sunday morning like this. But after last night she was afraid to face any of them.

She sighed and turned to look at her bedroom door. She and Derek hadn't talked much about what went on downstairs—he told her that her mother had left—looking really upset—not long after she'd gone upstairs. George had called Derek immature and irresponsible. He had threatened to send Derek to Spain again but Derek had refused to listen.

"_I'm eighteen years old and in my senior year, Dad. It's a little late for whatever you think Spain is going to do for me!"_

"_I'm thinking of what it might do for Casey—not you!" _

"_Kick me out if you want, Dad, but I'm not going to Spain—that doesn't even make sense—I have to stay for hockey if nothing else!"_

_Both of them were shouting but then Lizzie's door had creaked open. _

"_What's going on?" Casey's sister had wandered out to the top of the stairs in her pajamas and deescalated things for a moment. _

_Casey had cracked her door open, "Lizzie go back to bed!" she'd hissed. _

_After that there were a lot of harsh exchanges that Casey couldn't really make out. Where will Derek go if George kicks him out? What will I do if that happens? _

Well, she wasn't going to find the answer to those questions hiding all day in her bedroom! _Here goes nothing!_ She left the sanctuary of her bedroom and went downstairs to find out how much worse her life was going to get.

Downstairs Lizzie and Edwin were doing homework and eating popcorn. Marti and Dimi watched television dress in clown costumes. They all turned to stare at her when she walked through the room. "Are Mom and George here?"

"Yep, Mom is…" Lizzie warned. "She's in there," Lizzie nodded her head towards the kitchen. Casey took a deep breath and went in.

Her mother was sitting at the island with a thoughtful look on her face. She stirred a cup of tea with a spoon. "You want some?" Nora offered.

"Okay."

Her mom heated a cup of water in the microwave and bobbed a tea bag in it for Casey. "I don't want to tell you how to live your life, Casey. I think you're too old for your mother to be running your life and I'm pretty certain that you don't intend to listen to me anyway." Nora scrunched her face up and smiled ruefully at her.

Casey bit her tongue to keep from jumping to reassure her mother that she was listening—she wasn't going to that she was sorry—she wasn't going to tell her mother that she would do whatever she had to as long as it would restore Nora's faith in her.

"_Tell me what happened…" she gasped out as soon as he had moved off of her and she could think again. They were both breathless and damp with sweat. _

_When he had first come into her room she could only think of soothing him—of taking him in her arms and her body and binding him to her. _

_But now all the fervor had cleared a little with the sex, she felt her practical side rise with all the worry she had held back. "God, how bad was it? It was so hard to leave you alone down there." _

_It took him a moment to answer, and his voice creaked from exertion. "Later Case, I don't want you to worry about all that tonight. We both need sleep." Derek scratched at his nose and smiled at her. "I feel really good right now."_

_But, she couldn't keep the worry from bubbling up. "Why isn't George up here? They aren't going to make you sleep on the couch or anything…Are they going to check on us in the morning or?" _

_He was trying to smooth back the troubled lines off her forehead with the pads of his thumbs, "My Dad isn't coming up here tonight or tomorrow morning—I don't think your mom is either." _

"_Oh." Why not? She didn't want to nag him though. God, he'd been through enough already that night. "Is your hand alright?" His face was turned towards her and his eyes were drifting closed._

"_I'm fine, Casey." _

_She leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I love you." It was barely a whisper—she felt like a coward. He heard her fine though it seems…_

"_You better…I'm going through a lot of crap for this to happen with the two of us." He pulled her tighter against his side and she breathed in the musky scent of his aftershave, nestled into the warmth of his skin and closed her eyes. _

When Casey's mother handed her the mug of tea, Casey gripped it despite the way her hands burned. George and Derek had gone round and round about the relationship between the two of them—the fight with Max being more evidence in George's mind that Derek was out of control and that whatever was between him and Casey would only end badly.

George was panicked enough to make it clear to Derek that if it came down to a choice between his son and his wife, Derek would have to find a new place to live.

Casey knew she had to smooth things out with Nora if she wanted to keep Derek's world from falling apart—and her own world from falling apart in response. "Mom, I don't understand how you can have so little faith in me—I've always been so responsible and serious about my actions and my future. You act like my relationship with Derek changes who I am."

"How far has this all gone?" Nora waved away whatever Casey might have answered, "Don't bother lying for him. I can imagine how far its gone. I've lived in this house with Derek for the last three years." She seemed to feel that Casey was like a lump of clay, and whoever held her last molded her into whatever they wanted her to be. "I just know that the Casey who walked out of the room last night wasn't the responsible and serious Casey that I know."

"You don't feel like you know me?" She choked. She could handle the pathetic vision of herself that her mother presented her—that Derek could so easily manipulate her into whatever he wanted, that she would lie if her told her to but this…she wasn't the Casey I know… "Mom, you know me…"

"Not the girl I saw last night—that girl put a reckless, irresponsible boy… "

"Mom, you're talking about Derek, your step-son. How can you say such terrible things about…" Her voice cracked and she stopped to keep the tears back. She wanted to try and stay adult—plead her case without resorting to crying or begging.

She could remember that she too had once viewed Derek the way her mother still saw him, but it mingled with her deeper understanding of him now.

…_Derek's eyes dark and demanding that first night as he'd made a last attempt to battle against his own desires—his sense of duty to his family fighting against what he wanted with her… his gentle acquiescence to her requests to keep their relationship a secret in the beginning… his careful touch and patience teaching her to make love in the night… the impassive planes of his face in his determined guarding over her that last week…_

"Derek hasn't been reckless or irresponsible with me," her voice steadied to a mixture of hurt and defiance.

Nora shook her head, her fingers were white where they gripped her mug of tea like she wanted to crush it between her hands, "How can you defend him, Casey? You know as well as I do that Derek is selfish and immature…"

"Mom, I can't listen to this! I won't listen to it!" they were both inexplicably standing, shouting. The kids in the front room had to be hearing everything.

"And Casey, I am not going to stand for this blatant disrespect and destructive behavior!" Her mother slammed both palms onto the island and then took a deep breath. Casey had a moment of clarity about the fight—her mother was never really going to listen to what she had to say. Nora and George had obviously decided what "needed to happen" and the little talk over tea was just to try and win Casey over before laying down the law.

"Casey," Nora was back to the semi-sympathetic tone that she had begun their talk with only it was forced and her eyes were hard. "I'm sending you to live with your father in New York."

"What?! Mom, you can't!"

"Not for the rest of the school year but just for the rest of the semester. That's three months—just to let this thing with Derek cool down."

"I won't do it. I'm not going."

"You ARE going and you're leaving tonight."

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The two girls in booth six had been sitting there for at least an hour. The one with the blond ponytail obviously working up the courage to ask him out for the last thirty minutes of that hour. _Just DO IT, already!_ Once he turned her down they would LEAVE and his shift would officially come to a happy end---he'd made decent money for a Sunday. It was Sally's turn to close up Smelly Nelly's so no mopping, no polishing—both things he hated about the job.

"Are you waiting for the blond to ask you out?" Sally had that way of snapping little lines off as she passed him with a tray or a pitcher of ice tea that more or less kept a conversation going between them no matter how busy the place got.

He pretended to whip a rag at her, "Yes!" he griped from the corner of his mouth.

When Sally sauntered back behind the pastry counter she nodded at him. "Just ask her out yourself then and you can get out of here," she smirked a little at him. "Let me guess, you like the upper-hand when the girl asks you?"

"I don't want to go out with her at all!" he said disgustedly.

When he'd first started his shift, he'd taken off the brace on his left hand and wrapped the gauze tighter—but now it was killing him. "I want to, ever so gently, turn the nice girl down, collect my tip and THEN LEAVE."

Sally chuckled and turned to look at him. "Derek—you're a whore." She gestured with her chin to where the girl was peeking at their conversation. "Besides, that girl is really pretty. What's holding you back?" Sally was looking him up and down with a little smile. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

"Nothing's holding me back. I just don't want to." He wasn't really paying that close of attention to either Sally, or the blushing girl in the booth.

_Maybe I should put the brace back on? Or just loosen the gauze? Should I put some ice on it? _

"Hey Sally, does my hand look swollen to you?" When he looked up to meet her eyes he was a little surprised at the disappointment so plain on her face.

Derek crunched his eyebrows at her, "What's wrong with you?"

Sally dropped the sarcastic waitress persona and looked a little nervous and exposed, "Well…to tell you the truth…um…this is kind of awkward but…"

Just then the two girls in the booth waved Derek back over to them. _Finally!_ "Hold that thought, Sally, I've got a heart to break and a tip to collect." He smirked at her and wondered again at the strangely sad and vulnerable look she gave him. He rolled his eyes, _Whatever._

"So are you ladies leaving so soon?" The blond had barely opened her mouth, her friend giggling across from her, when the door swung open with a little chime and strong gust of Canadian cold air.

Casey was in the doorway looking out of breath and disheveled—her skin was pink and her hair tangled like she had walked the entire way from home. In a jean jacket and a miniskirt. _Was she nuts? It was freezing out today_. Derek came over to push the door closed behind her.

"What the hell happened?" he rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "You walked here? Shit, my dad said something to you didn't he—what is it?" She didn't seem to be getting any warmer so he pulled her into his arms. "Casey, talk to me."

"I was worried I would get here too late—your shift is over—I guess I'm mixed up." _She's babbling—not good—sooo not good--_

Derek realized they couldn't answer each other's questions standing in the middle of the entrance when he was supposed to be working and she was quaking with cold. "Here, sit down." He led her to a booth and then scrambled to get her a hot chocolate.

Behind him the door chimed as the two girls he'd been waiting on left. He'd forgotten all about the tip he'd been anticipating.

"Is your sister okay? She looks kind of upset." Sally was behind him while he filled a mug from the noisy whir of the hot chocolate machine. His mind was too full of all the things that could have gone wrong to make sense of whatever Sally was asking him.

_Max called—gave her a hard time about not telling him the truth? His dad told her the ultimatum he'd given about ending things with her or leaving? Something with Nora?_

"Um...yeah...we're…she's fine," he mumbled and then swept by his coworker to get back to whatever was going to ruin the rest of his day.

He slid into the seat across from her. When she had her hands cupped around the hot chocolate and still shivered, his nerves got so bad that he felt sick. "Casey…just tell me." Derek pried loose her fingers and laced them through his own.

"Did my dad…"

"No it was my mom; she's sending me to live with my dad for the rest of the semester. She's making me leave tonight, Derek. Three months—maybe more if that doesn't do the trick to "cool things down" between us." Everything was rushed and jumbled together when she said it and his heart was thudding wildly. _What the hell had he been expecting to happen? When his dad hadn't managed to budge him last night, of course their parents had gone after Casey._ Derek never expected them to be pleased when they found out—disappointed in her certainly—irritated with him probably—but now there were so many other things tangled into the two of them being together.

"_You end this ridiculous fixation with your step-sister or I'm going to ask you to leave, Derek." _

"_Ask me to leave, Dad?" he mocked. "To go where? Spain? I think I made it clear that isn't going to happen. Or are you just going to throw my stuff out the door and who gives a fuck where I end up?" _

_George rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. They had been going at it for hours and things just kept circling around like this. Whenever his dad made a threat—Derek called his bluff. _

_The only thing that had been resolved was that Casey didn't have any reason to go the next morning and apologize to Max. His dad was too much the lawyer not to recognize the facts behind the fight. Derek had lost his cool with her ex—George had to grudgingly accept that Casey was innocent of whatever had gone on earlier in the night. _

"_I can understand that you are both hormonal teenagers—that you never really saw her as a sister. I know I forced that on you, son. I get it. But how can you let a couple of weeks of a high school romance cause all this…harm? Just finish out your senior year; you'll have a scholarship to university and a whole campus of girls to choose from." _

Derek moved across to sit next to her. He put an arm around her and pulled her head against him.

"This is my fault, not yours. Okay?"

She didn't answer him and he knew it was because she didn't agree. She always felt responsible whenever anyone was unhappy with her. Maybe if the two of them hadn't come together WHEN they had, things wouldn't be in the mess that they were right now; her identity crisis, his rebellious breaking away… for their parents both had gotten mixed into the two of them as a couple.

Despite what his dad had said, this was no couple-weeks-long high school romance. He and Casey together was the culmination of years of circling each other: deflecting, denying, watching—he _loved_ her.

He had never said that to another girl—hell, he hadn't even said it to her—but it felt so true to him now that he had experienced it and knew it. He'd loved her for a long time.

"Lets get out of here," he finally said and pulled her up with him. "I'll try and handle this," _God, he hated how weak that sounded "I'll try"_—they both knew that there was nothing he could really do. Nora had told her that the plane ticket was bought and her dad would be waiting. George had even made a call to Paul's home and told him the situation—now her guidance counselor was working against them too! He was going to have all her work sent to New York.

It was all done.

Outside the sky had turned gray and stormy. Inside the car their moods matched the weather. They didn't speak. Things were a mess. When they got near their street Derek couldn't take it anymore and pulled to the side of the road.

"Casey."

When she turned to him she looked absolutely miserable. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she was pale. "I'm sorry Derek," she whispered.

_What?_

"You were right. I was the weak link—I didn't even fight her. She just laid out all the plans she and George had made and I sat there and took it."

_Oh. _

He reached over and took her hand. "Just answer me this; do you regret us?"

"I let you down. I hate that. I love you, Derek."

He smirked and then coughed a bitter laugh. "You actually lasted a lot longer than I thought you would. This is hard for you. I know that."

He knew he was only making her feel worse coming down on her like he was. Tears were already beginning to slip down her cheeks. His voice was bitter with his old rivalry with her, "You're the one really letting them down; maybe I don't feel the burn of all this like you do—I'm just living _down_ to expectations as usual."

"Stop it," she sobbed. "I know I screwed up here. But I still love you. I'll love you in three months—in six months if they don't let me come home at Christmas."

"Let you come home…" he spat back at her. "They tried to send me away first, you know," he was embarrassed at the way his voice shook. He couldn't hide how much this was killing him. "I didn't LET them. My dad wanted to kick me OUT."

"I'm sorry."

"Just tell me if you regret us—if you're going to regret us."

"No!" she was crying so hard that it was more a sound than a word. "I LOVE you."

"Your dad will start in on you next—and you want his approval so bad—I KNOW YOU CASE." He didn't mean to yell but the whole car seemed to shake with his anger. He couldn't help it.

"I screwed up. Please, Derek, I won't do it again. I won't let you down."

He had his face in his hands. If he was going to cry he sure as hell didn't want to do it in front of her. He felt her arms around him and her wet cheek against the back of his neck. She kissed along his hairline there. "Please…trust me Derek."

"I guess I have to."

"_Oh god, I've made a horrible mistake haven't I Derek? Haven't I?" _

"_So let me get this right, Case? You made a decision to be 'yourself' again and you can't even handle one night of 'yourself'! Welcome to my world!" He was trying to walk away from her—he slammed his door but she still followed him into his room. _

"_I can't believe I just broke up with the best guy I've ever gone out with…" _

_He couldn't hold back a hard laugh, "Max—right—forgetting you dated um…my best friend Sam...real nice, Case." He knew he was being irrationally loyal to his friend but he couldn't keep the affront from flooding him with anger. He grasped at the first thing he could think of…the nasty "I told you so" that always hovered between them. "Actually, I can't believe you broke up with Mr. Perfect either…I told you not to…"_

"_You did not! You did no such thing! 'Change back' that's what_

_YOU said!"_

"_So 'change back' means break up with 'the best guy you've ever gone out with'?" he sneered back to her. He was breathing hard and staring narrow eyed at her. If they were on the ice, if she was on the opposing team, he would be throwing down his gloves, knocking her down._

"_You dumped your 'true love' over two words your step-brother said," she had gasped at the mention of love—she hated when he teased her about being in love with Max—she claimed to be too "mature" for those silly declarations. _

_He liked checking—making sure it still bothered her—so he jibed her about it on a regular basis. _

_He'd backed her against the wall. He was fully planning on punching it—scaring the shit out of her—let her know how close he was to hitting HER. _

" _Looks like it doesn't matter what version of yourself you try to be—they're both…"_

"_Both WHAT?" She pushed him hard enough to knock him a little off his feet. They were both screaming at each other now—good thing that George and Nora were long since asleep. Good thing Lizzie and Edward were spending the night with friends and Marti was dead to the world when she was snoring the way she was. There was nothing holding them back. _

"_You don't even know what the fuck you want, Case, you let everyone else tell you who you are, what you want…" he was back up and on her again. His fist itching to knock against the wall once more—._

"_That isn't true…" she started. So, he DID IT, smacked the wall next to her with the side of his fist, cracked a hole into the plaster so that it rained down on her hair. That shut her up. He was in her face. She didn't really look scared though—or mad. She looked sort of …sorry. He quieted his voice a little. _

"_Then why is this so hard for you?" Nope, the yelling was back, he couldn't smother it, "Stop asking ME to TELL you WHO you want –WHAT you want—just go after…DO something REAL…"_

_He could yell all he wanted—she knew him too well—he wasn't going to hurt her, he even hated being mean to her, and she KNEW it. That was why she really listened to him when he confronted her like this—she knew he meant it. _

_She slid to the floor and looked at him in that sincere and brave and corny way that was pure Casey. "I'm scared. I'm confused." _

_Oh fuck that—everyone got scared and confused. He smirked at her, disgusted, and crouched down to meet her eyes, "You're pathetic."_

_Oooohh that got her hopping mad again! She narrowed her eyes at him. _

"_I hate you" _

_Oh please! He rolled his eyes—she didn't hate him—before he could say the words she started to crumple, eyebrows drifting together and lip pouting. And now comes the tears—he was going to kick her out of his room—He couldn't TAKE THIS! _

_She must have known what he was thinking. She launched herself into his arms and buried her face against his neck. Her arms were around him like a vise. _

_He thought he felt her tears against his skin and started to pat her on the back. (Okay he would get her calmed down and then kick her out.) But those weren't tears. _

_She was kissing him—trailing her lips up and down his neck-her tongue touching lightly to the sensitive skin there. _

_His voice was hoarse, "Stop it—we can't do this." _

"_Now who's pathetic?" she whispered against his neck. She was pulling him closer. She wrapped her legs around him, shifting onto his lap. He wanted her. _

_Of course he fucking wanted her—she was hot! _

_He'd gotten hard plenty of times just fighting with her, catching glimpses of her in the shower, sunbathing. Jeez he was only human! _

_His mouth was on hers—lips parted but he couldn't kiss her. This was Casey. _

_If he did this it would mean something wouldn't it? _

_There wasn't going to be any kind of retreat back into his "image" or usual tricks at distancing himself. _

_Her hands were under his shirt and against his skin. She pressed into him and ground against him. He was so close to giving in...barely holding back._

_He pulled at her goofy pink pajama shirt and ripped the buttons loose. She wasn't wearing a bra and his mouth was against the soft skin of one breast before he could think straight. Her nipple was hard and tight in his mouth. But this was Casey! He pushed her away._

"_Fuck you, Casey! I'm not your scratching post—you missing Max that much? You want someone to make you feel loved?" She watched him, stunned at his rejection. His hands still gripped her arms. He wanted one more kiss before he pushed her away forever—his mouth covered hers and he thrust his tongue inside he. When he pulled away he gasped, "You want someone to tell you how beautiful you are?" he pulled her up and against the wall. The two of them like this could NEVER happen. It was his last chance—it HAD to be-- to touch her or feel her, before he swore off thinking about her as anything but a sister. Swore off of her forever. _

_He growled into her ear, "You want someone to comfort you? That's not going to be me. I'm not doing it." _

_It was like he split into two people—and one of them meant every word that he was saying while the other was desperately clinging to her. He needed to feel her skin against his own. He pulled his shirt over his head with his hips pinning her firmly to the wall. _

_She was breathing hard and her eyes were barely focused._

"_I want you," she whispered._

_She got free from where he had her pressed and ripped the rest of her shirt off her shoulders, pulled her pajama bottoms and underwear off. She leaned her naked body against his again._

" _Stop this—no." He wasn't in control, not enough. Her hands were undoing his jeans. "This isn't right," he breathed. _

_When she pulled them down his legs he couldn't stop the ripple of lust that followed her undressing him. _

_He pulled her to him and she locked her arms around his neck. _

"_Do it" she said in his ear. "I want you—this is the real me—this is something I know I want without asking anyone else." _

_God, so did he! _

_All the pretense that he had ever felt anything but desire for her fell away, as false and phony as her cheerleading identity had been. _

_He'd always wanted her. But he hadn't acted on it. There were good reasons he hadn't acted on it. _

"_Our family," he said in a voice that was as laden with sorrow as lust. "I can't… I shouldn't do this with you," he told her. But, as he said the words, he lifted her into his arms and held her ready to enter her but still waiting. _

_How could he not do this? He'd given up three years of this, of her—for the other people he loved—but it was too much. He couldn't sacrifice himself any more. Not now. Not with her inside his head and his heart like she was—not while he wanted inside of her, like he did. _

"_You're what I want," she echoed his thoughts and pulled him into her body. _

_It wasn't like any sex he'd had before or since—in a weird way, it wasn't even really sexual—they used their bodies to forge a contract, a bond between the two of them, a promise that they had finally agreed to place each other before all the other relationships they had been suffering in their loyalty towards. _

_It was too grave a decision for him to really enjoy the sex, and he knew he was hurting her, but that wasn't the point. _

_The point was the union between them. _


	10. Chapter 10

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Derek sat staring at the cursor; a little white arrow just waiting for him to press "reply" – he could talk to her. Tell her what? _I'm coming to get you._ That was the only thing he wanted to say back.

And, _I'm coming home_—was the only thing he wanted to read.

She emailed him twice a day—sometimes more—and he did read everything she wrote even though it made him miserable.

He moved the cursor off the reply button.

"_Maybe if we just promise them…"_

_His hands gripped the steering wheel, "Forget it, Case, I'm not promising them anything…"_

"_Or if we just asked for a little time…"_

"_I can't have this hanging over my head." He'd turned towards her then, bit out, "I suppose YOU can? You want them making decisions for us? Telling us what to do? What to FEEL?" She had barely stopped crying and he was making her bottom lip tremble again. _

"_Derek, I just think we could try and reason with them…" _

"_Try and reason with them…" he scoffed back at her. When he got out of the car to march inside, he hadn't even looked back to see if she followed. _

_He'd thrown open the door, shoulders squared, and made right for where Nora and his dad waited to drive Casey to the airport._

"_So what the HELL is going on here?!" _

_Ticket paid for, Dennis waiting, all Casey's crap packed, there wasn't anything he could really do and Derek knew it. He'd never felt so cornered and angry though. And bitter, because, the main factor holding him cornered was CASEY. She still wanted to be the "good daughter". _

_So, he'd discarded "reasoning" in favor of a "gun's blazing" approach. Why not? They didn't stand a chance either way. _

Meals had turned into a pretty grim affair in the McDonald-Venturi house. After he read Casey's morning email he headed downstairs to grab a piece of toast and a soda.

He could barely stand to be in the same room with Nora anymore—she must have been aware of the living situation she was sending her daughter into. She'd been married to Dennis for thirteen years. She knew how sensitive Casey could be when it came to her father. He just hoped Casey was sending some of the pitiable accounts of the empty days she spent in her father's apartment to her mother too and not just him—and he hoped that they were burning in Nora's gut the way they burned in his.

**…so I guess my dad must have come home late last night, after I fell asleep because he threw out the food I left for him in the oven. ..**

As a live-in dad, Dennis was proving to be just as callous and unreliable as he had been on his visits. Casey didn't make friends easily and the loneliness was killing her. She'd worked so far ahead in her homework that she was finished with the semester already and just waiting for Paul to mail her final exams.

Derek tried his best to try not to think about her but his efforts weren't much good. She was everywhere; he'd hear her singing along in his mind to the radio when he drove to school; he was constantly passing by her locker or the door to her room, finding her barrettes on the floor, inhaling her scent from his sheets. Long strands of her hair curled against the shower drain.

When he first came back to school, the Monday after she left, Ryan had decked him good in the parking-lot.

"_Payback for knocking out Max's tooth", he said standing over Derek and rubbing his fist. _

For a while the black-eye had only been a reminder of her when he caught his reflection; memory of her standing-up for him mingled with the way she'd thrown herself protectively against him at the party.

When he walked in the kitchen the already minimal conversation came to a halt. Lizzie always seemed frightened of him now. _Probably the looks I'm giving Mommy Dearest, huh?_ Edwin bowed his head over his cereal. Only Marti was obliviously piling jelly onto her toast.

"Morning, Derek," his father nodded at him. Nora looked up from her coffee. _They're speaking to me?_ "I said good morning to you," his father repeated in a voice that didn't match the greeting in the least. _Oh I get it. They're forcing me to speak to them. _ Derek grabbed a can of Coke and popped it open. He ignored his father and looked straight at Nora's pale face. His step-mother determinedly met his eyes. She reminded him of Casey in that moment, but it only made him angrier.

"Casey eats every meal alone. Did you know that, Nora? She goes for days without even seeing Dennis or talking to anyone except the maid."

Nora shivered and looked back down into her coffee cup.

"But I guess you know what its like to live with him. Casey ought to be fine, huh? I mean, obviously, you thought so or you wouldn't have sent her there."

His voice was so cold and accusatory that he barely recognized it. _No wonder Lizzie was scared of him._ He'd become one harsh bastard these last three weeks.

The day he'd gotten the black eye he hadn't even fought back. When Ryan had given his little speech about "payback" in the school parking lot and reared his fist back, Derek didn't even flinch.

He'd just taken the punch, picked himself back off the asphalt and walked on into the building like nothing happened. It had freaked out Ryan enough that the guy didn't make anymore threatening moves in his direction. _"Guy's a psycho!"_ Derek heard Ryan tell one of his football-idiot buddies, but it was clear that he didn't want to test how far the "psycho" in Derek went.

He couldn't have imagined talking like this to his step-mother until she had sent Casey away. Now he just stared at her worried face without the slightest bit of sympathy. "Didn't you get divorced from Dennis because of this same shit? You were miserable living with him, but you still sent Casey right into the same place. What a great mom."

"Derek, that's enough…" his father began but Derek was already slamming back the Coke and striding out of the room.

"Later Smarti," he said ruffling his little sister's hair.

At school things were pretty much the way they had always been for him. It wasn't like Casey and he traveled in the same crowd or anything.

When she had been popular enough to move in the periphery of his world, she had been with Max. And Derek had avoided them without ever realizing _why _he couldn't stand to be in the presence of the school's "cutest couple".

But, now, he knew he loved her—had loved her even back then. So he still avoided Max—because the jealous anger would be _unconquerable_ now that she was gone. Derek was afraid of what he might do to her ex. _Maybe he really was psycho. _

In study hall Sam handed him a granola bar and nodded at him. "Eye looks better, " he said to Derek.

"I guess so," Derek shrugged.

"You hear from Casey this morning?" Sam was the only one to bring up her name around Derek anymore. His family seemed to have taken a pledge against acknowledging her absence around each other. Derek's outburst that morning was the first time anyone had said her name in the Mcdonald-Venturi house for weeks.

Derek's eyebrows creased together and he nodded slowly—took a bite of the granola bar. He knew that Sam wished he could say something to help him out and he appreciated that—he really did—but it just made the frustration worse to have his friend try to cheer him up.

"It will work out, Dude. Nora will crack before you do."

"I'm already cracking," Derek answered hoarsely. Thank God he could trust Sam with this shit.

He'd insisted on driving her to the airport himself.

_Their parents were satisfied that Casey wasn't going to go back on their decision to send her away so they agreed. _

_She had caved, completely, totally. It was obvious to all of them that he was beyond pissed off and wouldn't do something crazy like try to run away with her. _

_At the airport she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. Despite being furious with her, he was unable to keep from kissing her back—not when he wouldn't even see her for months. _

"_I love you," she whispered against his mouth. _

"_That isn't what I want to hear you say," his whole body hurt with having to say good-bye to her. It was worse than any pounding he had ever taken in an ice rink. "Tell me that it doesn't matter what they tell you to do…tell me to take you home right now. Tell me that no one can come between us."_

"_I can't, Derek! They're our parents! I'm only seventeen!"_

"_So you'll love me enough to fight for it when? Next year?" he didn't want to continue this fight up until the moment she left but he wasn't going to just let her wimp out on the two of them without speaking his mind. "All the times you swore to me that you wouldn't chicken out…what did you think 'chickening out' was going to look like? This is it, Case." _

_She was back with the tears again—and it just made him angrier with her. She knew what crying did to him. She was already killing him by leaving. He brushed his fingers roughly over her cheeks. _

"_Don't you dare cry about this to me!" he pushed her toward the security gates. "Youre going to miss your plane," his voice wasn't kind. He tried to soften his next words, "Just go, Casey." _

"_Derek…" _

_He turned to leave her but she had darted in front of him and wrapped her arms around him. "Tell me you love me, Derek."_

_He shook his head, "No." It would have hurt too much and he was already in so much pain. How can I do this? I want to pull her out of here—force her to run away with me—our parents are idiots for trusting me to do this—But he didn't want to force her to do anything. He wanted her to want this as much as he did. _

_He pried her hands loose and pushed her away from him. _

Coach Peterson was late to study hall that morning—not that it was unusual or anything. The J Thompson hockey coach typically strolled in ten to fifteen minutes late, before he plopped down in a cafeteria chair and opened the paper.

But it had been thirty minutes now and no sign of the guy.

Ralph leaned into the middle of Sam and Derek's conversation, "You guys hear about Peterson?"

"What about him?" Sam volunteered. He was still worriedly watching Derek swirl the contents of his Coke can.

"Well, Amanda told me she just passed him in the hallway barking onto his cell phone—sounded really hopped up—and it sounded like he was talking about Derek."

Derek's concentration on the Coke can ended abruptly. "I wonder what I did this time?"

"You mean what you got caught doing?" Ralph corrected smiling. "Am I right?"

Just then the cafeteria doors burst open and Peterson came in red-face and panting, "VENTURI? Get over here!"

_When he got home from the airport, it was dark outside and bitter-cold for a fall night—even for a Canadian fall night. He was surprised, then, to see that there was the shadowed form of someone sitting on the front porch. He expected it to be Lizzie or maybe even Edwin. When he got out of the car, he was shocked to see Emily. _

_She stood up and rubbed her hands over her thighs like her palms were sweaty. "Marti said that Nora sent Casey away." _

_He just stared at her. He couldn't figure out how this interested her anymore—she hadn't even spoken to Casey in over a week. He nodded but it was so dark out he didn't think she could see him. "That's right," he said warily. His voice was rough. _

"_I'm really sorry, Derek." _

"_Really, Emily? And I'm sure that you mean it too; don't you?" he said snidely. He didn't want to take this all out on Emily; she hadn't done anything to deserve all the anger that gushed out of him. But, he was falling apart—ready to explode anyway—and here she was. He couldn't stop the flood of malicious emotion that poured out of him. _

"_So, what? Casey's finally out of the way now, and you thought you might catch me feeling sad and vulnerable?" He gripped Emily's arm and pulled her towards him. _

_Emily's eyes were wide with shock and fear. _

_He could only imagine what he must look like. He wanted to rip her apart for just being there. He wanted to rip everyone apart. _

_He got right in her face and whispered in a harsh mockery of seduction. "You want me that bad, Emily? Your "best friend" just got kicked out of her house—she's probably sobbing on the airplane right now."_

_His voice caught a little, and the shame of it made him vicious. "and you're here waiting to throw yourself at me already?"_

"_Shut up Derek! You jerk! I was worried about her—about both of you."_

_He let go of her arm and pushed her aside, "Spare me the act, Emily. You haven't even spoken to her this whole week."_

_As if something just occurred to him he turned to face her again, "Maybe if you had, she would still be here. She didn't have anyone to support her except me. You think she could tell Paul about the two of us? You think she could tell ANYONE after her BEST FRIEND blew her off over it?" _

_It wasn't fair at all to lay that on Emily and some distant strain of decency in him knew it. But that part was buried under too much ache. _

"_Derek…" Emily gasped. She seemed unable to make sense of how angry and bitter he was. She was actually shaking, and she looked like she was about to run in fear from him. _

_He turned from her to go inside. "Yeah, so, Emily, I'll keep you in mind the next time I'm drunk and horny."_

_He tried to sneer at her but he couldn't see Emily; he could only imagine Casey crying on the plane because he wouldn't tell her he loved her. The regret behind that image crept into his voice and made it husky with unshed tears. _

"_Maybe you'll get lucky with me. Maybe I'll finally do what you've been after." _

He was too ashamed to look in Emily's direction since that night; she probably believed what Ryan was passing around about him being a psycho. He acted the part alright.

What was funny was Peterson's "excited" face and voice was strangely similar to his "irate" face and voice—_no wonder Amanda had gotten it wrong_.

When the coach pulled him up in front of the study hall, only the other hockey players knew that something good, rather than bad, had happened. He been offered a full scholarship—board, books, tuition, everything for four years. University of Toronto—_where Casey wanted to go_—and she could get in anywhere. He agreed to sign immediately.

His family—minus Casey of course—had to get pictures taken shaking Coach Peterson's hand for the local paper. They did it at a big party that night at Smelly Nelly's. One big happy family—everyone in the picture was smiling except for Derek.

He signed the papers for University of Toronto, then tossed his pen into the crowd of partiers cheering for him inside Smelly Nelly's like he expected it to be a fan's souvenir—no one even threw the pen back at him for his audacity. _I would have._ He felt like a ginormous asshole.

He would have been happy to play hockey anywhere, frankly. He thought people were stupid to be impressed by which school you went to. In the crowd he spotted Sally smirking at him. He walked over to her.

"Nice move with the pen there, Gretsky," she sniped. Maybe I should have dove for it with the rest of your fans."

"Oh, did you want me to sign one of your breasts with it first?"

"Pig," she pushed him back from her, but she was smiling. Then she leaned in closer, "You want something stronger than soda, Scholarship Boy?" she whispered to him.

"Yes…_please_…" he groaned.

"Follow me." Sally took his hand to lead him to the back room. She glanced at him invitingly over her shoulder as she walked him. Suddenly all the strange moments between them focused for Derek. He had wondered what her problem was with all those meaningful looks and thoughtful smiles…

_I thought she wasn't interested._ But apparently she _was_ interested—_very interested_ by the looks of things.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Casey sat at her father's polished dark wood dining set. The long table could sit ten, but Casey had only ever sat at it alone. She looked at her watch again. When she called her father to ask if he would be home for dinner he had made his usual apologies.

"_Oh Casey, I'm so sorry about how late I've been working…I know I've kept you waiting…"_

"_Every night, Dad."_

"_Oh Jesus, I know, I know Casey and I'm REALLY sorry—I mean it…"_

_He could tell she was crying so he was trying to hurry her off the phone—when it came to tears her dad and Derek were birds of a feather. _

"_Listen, I'll come home early tonight—don't bother cooking because I'm taking you out tonight."_

"_You mean it?"_

"_You bet I mean it! I'll see you tonight. Just decide what kind of food you want and it'll be you and me."_

It was already midnight and there was no sign of her father—no phone call. He didn't answer his cell.

She wasn't sitting at the table doing nothing though—she was thinking about Derek and the latest email she had received.

She wrote him every day, twice, sometimes three times a day, but never heard anything back. She knew why. She knew him better than anyone did. She knew that it was too hard for him to write to her when he couldn't talk, see, touch her. It was hard for her too, but she owed him the reassurance that she hadn't given up on him or them yet.

She tried not to let her loneliness and misery creep into her emails but she wasn't sure how successful she had been, the problem being that he knew her better than anyone else too. She was worried about him.

And now this latest email she had received from Edwin ignited something inside of her that had been growing combustible all these weeks away from her home.

When she had first arrived at her dad's house he moved her into a guest room with plush beige carpeting, her own television, her own computer, a separate phone line just for her room. It was everything she would have wanted three years ago.

"_Well…enjoy!" her dad assumed she would be thrilled with the room and her possessions. Just after her father closed her door, closed her inside with her tears, Casey's phone rang. "Hello?"_

"_Oh my god! Casey? Is that you? I called the number your mom gave me—this is your dad's guest line right? She said he had a room for you already—oh my god! I am so sorry for everything, Casey! "_

"_Emily?" _

"_I couldn't believe it when Marti told me that your mom had actually sent you away! She was crying because she heard Derek threaten to run away."_

"_Oh, poor Marti, Derek wouldn't do that…"_

"_No, of course not, I told her that! Derek wouldn't just abandon her—he's completely committed to people he loves and he doesn't just run away from a fight…"_

_Casey winced. Emily was still talking though, "but Casey, you should see him. He's a mess. I tried to talk to him tonight…" Emily's voice trailed off. _

_Casey closed her eyes. "You talked to him?" she whispered. _

_She could imagine how that conversation would have gone. Derek was in a fury when he had finally left her at the airport. He was hurting and angry and barely in control. She finally found her voice, "Emily, I'm really worried about him." _

_Over the line she could hear Emily take a breath, "I really kind of am too, Casey. Tonight, when I tried to talk to him, it was like he wasn't the same boy I've lived next door to all my life…"_

"_You need to tell me everything…" she got Emily to promise to call her collect every night. _

In Casey's mind, her friend thoroughly made up for her earlier cold-shoulder by making those nightly calls. _Especially considering all the horrible things that Derek had said to her the night she left!_ But the phone calls made her more and more anxious for him: The story of him getting hit by Ryan—Derek's lack of reaction. The way he never apologized to Emily. The super-aggressive behavior at hockey. Emily even had Dimi spy so she could report to Casey about things at home. Derek wouldn't eat dinner with the family or be civil to her mom. _How long can he go on like this? How long can I let him?_ If he could just hold out until Christmas, then... Would that really be enough?—she had to DO SOMETHING!

Even before her dad had suggested dinner for the two of them at a restaurant, she had determined that she needed to broach the subject of a visit.

Then she had received the email from Edwin. The poor kid had snuck into Derek's room to get the email address—something Edwin wouldn't have done lightly. Casey didn't realize how truly afraid for Derek she was until she started to read Edwin's email. Her heart was beating so hard and her breathing was so shallow and fast that she could only scan the thing.

**…I hope you don't think this is weird or anything for me to write to you but I think you should come home…**

**…he's not eating very much…his clothes look kind of baggy and he stinks of cigarette smoke…**

**…doesn't talk to anyone…doesn't smile… Lizzie and I are scared around him…**

**…got a black eye…when dad asked him about it he threw your mom's lamp at the wall…**

**…stays out all night…doesn't sleep…**

**…angry…**

**…sad…**

**…sick…**

She slammed the laptop closed and let her head drop into her hands. She couldn't let this go on. She had to choose between being the good girl and being with Derek. The thing was—she had already chosen. That first night. She chose _him_.

_She was like jelly against him. She hadn't expected it to hurt quite that much but her stomach cramped as soon as he slid out of her. _

"_Are you okay?" He curled his arms under her knees and picked her up from where she had sagged to the ground. He held her like a child for a moment and then carried her to his bed. _

_She rolled over on her side. Already the cramping was less. He sat beside her and rubbed her back. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her._

_He didn't sound very sorry though. She looked up at him with narrowed eyes. They were both still naked and she felt extremely embarrassed and exposed. Derek didn't seem uncomfortable at all. _

"_I'm okay," she finally said. She tried to get up. Get dressed. But he must have read her mind in that moment because he held her down and pulled her to him. _

"_Not so fast." He took her face in his hands and kissed her slowly and gently. "Lie back down." _

_She really was feeling okay now, but she wasn't sure she wanted to do it again so soon. She didn't have any experience with this and she wasn't sure if he was always going to be so rough with her. But he didn't make any kind of move to be inside of her again—not that night. He just kissed her for a long time: first her lips, then her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her legs, her arms…she felt like she was drenched in his kisses and caresses. _

_She felt like she was with a lover—the kind that romance novels were written about. The importance of what they had done together began to sink in with each touch of his mouth and his tongue against her skin. _

_Whatever happened next, they would never be the siblings that their parents had intended them to be. That was a wish her mother had that she would never be able to deliver on. She didn't want to. She couldn't! _

At 12:45, Dennis finally opened the door to the apartment. He strolled inside with a smile on his face. "Casey? What are you doing up this late? Were you out with some friends tonight?" His face was completely sincere and then completely confused by her obvious anger.

Casey took a deep breath. _God, no wonder Mom divorced you!_ "Dad, we need to talk. I've decided that I'm going to move back home…"

. . . . . . . .


	11. Chapter 11

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Derek felt rather better than he had felt in a long time. His head was fuzzy and his body numb. Sally had a bottle of Jack Daniels that the two of them had mixed into a half liter of cherry Coke and the stuff was really helping him to forget all the misery of the last several weeks.

"You know, I thought you were the biggest jerk. Beth is a really good friend of mine…you really hurt her, you know?"

Someone was talking to him—_a girl_—and that someone was also running a hand through his hair. Her fingertips grazed his eyelids, nose, over his lips. It wasn't Casey, he knew that. _He could never be that anesthetized—Casey wasn't here to touch him or let him touch her. _ The ache for her reared inside him again. He sat up and opened his eyes.

He and Sally were sitting in the backseat of her car. _Were we making out?_ He wasn't too clear on what had been going on for the last couple…_hours?_ His shirt was unbuttoned and his hair messed. Sally look pretty rumpled too.

Derek ran his hands through his hair. "I should get going."

Sally cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him.

Her lips were warm and tasted like cherries. She thrust her tongue into his mouth. Derek's eyes widened but he didn't push her away. Once, not that long ago, he'd wanted this with her. He closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. It was _almost_ like kissing Casey.

Sally was more aggressive and the alcohol made her kiss a little sloppy. But he could pretend…He touched her hair—just barely though. Because, there was a big difference between running his fingers through Casey's long straight hair and Sally's…_but it was almost the same_…Derek ran his hands down her neck and cupped her breasts—_not exactly the same but maybe close enough_…he could do this with Sally. She wanted him. If he could just pretend to be with Casey, for even a little while, long enough to get some release, maybe everything wouldn't hurt so much..

"_Tell me you love me, Derek."_

He pulled back from her, "What did you say?"

Sally laughed and tried to draw him back to her, "I said…" her voice trailed off a little self-consciously, "that I really like you, Derek."

He was still pretty drunk but he tried to keep his thoughts from getting away from him again. He'd thought he's heard his step-sister's voice again—the way she sounded in the airport when he'd had to tell her good-bye.

"_Tell me you love me, Derek."_

"_No." _

Derek pulled Sally's hands from his face. "I've got to sober up…I don't even know what I'm doing here."

Sally frowned at him, "That's all you have to say to me?"

He ignored her and cracked a car door open, "Where are we, anyway? Where's my car?" He recognized Sally's house from the few times he had given her a lift back from work. "Oh man, I left it back at Smelly Nelly's didn't I? That's _just great_! Shit!"

"Derek!"

He turned to her. He felt like crap and the sky already looked to be getting lighter. "What?!"

She jumped back a little when he shouted at her. _Ugh._ _Great. Just great!_ He got out of the car and then dipped his head back in to talk to her, "Listen, Sally, it was fun or whatever but I need to get back home."

"You asshole." She looked really pissed off…and hurt.

"Sorry," he told her. Looks like _I'm walking back to get my car. Perfect!_

Sally got out of the car and slammed her door. "Beth was right about you, Venturi!" She was screaming at him.

He pointed up to her house. "You sure you want to do this right here and now?" _Jeez—they'd been drunk when they'd done…whatever they'd done!_ Where did she think this was going to lead? _I mean, sure, if this had happened a few months ago he would have been right there with her_—wanting a relationship or whatever she expected to be the product of… whatever they had done together.

"You sure you want to wake your whole house? Let them know just how right, Beth was about me?" He was already starting to back away from her.

He had to get moving if he wanted to get back to Smelly Nelly's and get his car before sunrise. At least this scholarship would keep his dad off his ass for a while. Not that he cared, but he was starting to feel sort of bad for Edwin, Lizzie and Marti. Their home had become something of a war zone since all this crap with Casey had gone down.

_Casey. _

He had almost given in back there in Sally's car--let himself pretend that Sally could stand in for her. For some reason, it made the ache in him worse. He rubbed at his arms, not because they were cold but because he was cold deep inside himself where no one could warm him except for Casey.

Sally wasn't going to be put off quite as easily as he'd hoped. "You know, Beth had a theory about you," she dashed forward to grip at his leather jacket and turn him around.

He rolled his eyes at her. "I'm sure she did." He got along fine with Sally and the two of them had to work together so he really didn't want to get into any kind of big ugly fight with the girl. "Okay, Sally, just tell me the theory, call me a few more names…whatever…but do it fast. I don't want to catch a bunch of shit from my parents for staying out all night, okay?" he tried to soften his voice a little "Look, I'm really sorry about not…liking you back. Like that, I mean."

When Sally just glared at him he shrugged his shoulders. _Whatever._ He turned to leave again.

"Beth said you have some kind of freaky fixation on your sister…"

He stopped. _Keep walking, dude, shake it off._ But he couldn't keep walking. Her words were too like what his dad had said to him weeks ago. When Casey had still lived in the room next to his.

"_You end this ridiculous fixation with your step-sister or I'm going to ask you to leave, Derek." _

He turned back to Sally. Something about the way he looked, or at least looked AT her, made her clamp her mouth closed and go pale.

"Well, what do you know?" he sneered at her. "Beth actually got something right…" he said raspy and mean. "I mean, she kept hoping me screwing her was going to lead to…true love…or some bullshit like that…but I guess she wasn't a complete idiot."

Sally just stared at him. She didn't jump to Beth's defense like she would have a moment ago.

"She's smarter than you at least," he threw out at her. "You _saw_ me with Casey the other night. Remember? Before my parents _sent her away_?" he spit that last part out.

Sally still just stared at him with that blank frightened face. _What the fuck is she staring at me like that for? _He stomped forward—the way you might try to scare off an animal. Sally flinched a little and he smirked meanly at her. "Oh and she's my STEP-sister; I've only known her since sophomore year. So, I'm not quite the sick fuck that Beth painted me out as…"

Sally's eyes opened a little wider but she still didn't say anything or move away.

"You didn't get it then? You couldn't tell that I'm fucking _in love_ with her?" Now he was the one yelling—going to wake her house—he tried to hush his voice—"I love her and they sent her AWAY."

"I…" Sally looked sort of deflated from her earlier anger. "You love her?"

"And she's gone," he whispered, more to himself than Sally. His throat was burning. "I NEED her."

His vision blurred. _Am I still that drunk?_ He rubbed at his face. _Tears?_ _Oh hell, no! _

Sally came closer to him. She didn't look at all frightened or angry anymore. "I'll drive you back to your car. Okay, Derek?" She put a hand on his shoulder but he shook her off.

"I need to walk," he growled out.

He glared at her one last time. But Sally's face, her whole demeanor, had softened towards him and his glare didn't seem to cut through it. Whatever it was she thought she had figured out about him was keeping her anger and disappointment with the night at bay. He couldn't stand the pity that was so plainly radiating off her. He turned away.

"Later," he tossed to her over his shoulder. Derek popped the collar of his leather jacket and strode past her and into the dark.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Casey's arrival time was officially 8:30AM but the plane was over two hours delayed before they had even departed. And, then, the runway was backed up; so they had been forced to circle for another 45 minutes. When she finally came through the gate, no one was waiting for her.

_Dad forgot to call Mom and tell her I was coming home. God! _

If one good thing came out of her three week stay with her father, it was that she no longer looked through rose-colored glasses at his faults. He was self-centered and a workaholic. She loved him, but that was the truth of who he was.

Casey pulled out her cell phone—Derek would be at school. _Maybe I should just go home._ At least she would have the house to myself for a while.

She thought about taking a bath and unpacking. She wanted to be ready to face her mother and George that evening. She would be determined and unshakeable—everything that Derek had wanted and deserved from her before.

She got in the taxi kiosk and tried to picture him at school. _Maybe he'll come home early. Maybe we can have some time together. _

The house was quiet when she walked in. She trudged upstairs, letting her heavy bags bump against the steps on their rollers.

At the top, she tripped a little and lost her grip on one of them. It skipped loudly down the stairs before catching and tumbling over end. The final thudding crash at the bottom sent a shiver up her spine. _Yikes—that could have been me!_

She pulled the remaining bag up the final couple stairs with a grunt, and kicked it out of her way. _Now to get this beast into my room!_

She straightened up and gasped.

Derek was standing over her in his boxers. He had a baseball bat poised above her, ready to bash her in the head.

"Derek!"

"Casey?"

"I thought you were at school. Wait! You should be at school! Der-rek, why aren't you at school? You're going to get in trouble!"

"Casey?"

He hadn't moved from his attack position over her head and his eyes were a little wild. She took a step back from him. "Derek are you all right?"

He looked like he was going to puke. _Nerves? Hangover?_ "Derek?"

Finally he blinked and lowered the baseball bat.

"What are you doing here?" He didn't sound good. His voice was gravelly and thick. He smells like alcohol. His eyes are too bright. Derek's body had become all ropey muscle and pale skin. Edwin was right; he wasn't eating enough.

_Oh Derek…_

" I came back." She didn't want to cry. _He hates when I cry._ She willed her tears to stay inside her throat.

"Came back?"

She knew what he was really asking. She _always_ knew when it came to him. "Forever," she clarified.

He threw the bat behind him and reached for her.

She was inside his arms and pressed against his skin before she could process the change.

He peeled the shirt from her shoulders and undid her bra. "Casey…" His mouth was everywhere –her face, her neck, her breasts. His hands skimmed under her skirt and underwear.

She was glad he was the one taking care of the undressing. She couldn't focus on anything except the way his lips now moved against her own and her own need of him. She gripped his skin and scratched him. He tasted like the winter-mint toothpaste he used but also a little like the alcohol he must have drank the night before. _Oh Derek…_ "I won't leave you again," she promised him. He seemed grabbed at her desperately—his hands were shaking. _What had he done to himself?_

When they were both stripped, he lifted her up in his arms like he had their first night together and carried her into his room and onto his bed. He pushed inside of her immediately—but she was ready for him. They both were motionless like that for a moment with relief. He hovered over her, looking into her eyes, breathing against her lips. _This felt so right._ She couldn't go back to the girl she had been before she'd had him—no matter how much the change would hurt or disappoint her mother. She needed him—and she needed this. He began to move then and her eyes drifted closed at the sensation building inside of her.

At one point, just before they both lost themselves in each other, he pressed his mouth to her ear and whisper huskily, "I love you."

She couldn't hold back a little of the sob that had been threatening to come out of her since she had first seen him standing over her with the bat, "I love you too."

. . . . .

When Derek first woke up, he wasn't sure if he had only dreamed that Casey had come home to him. But that was only for a second—half a second—because she slapped him hard on the head.

"Ouch!"

"I said, Get up!"

"What?"

"Okay, third times the charm. Right?" she slapped him on the head again. This time he sat up. "Damn, woman!" He wasn't sure if he had ever before felt quite this bad while simultaneously being quite this happy. Apparently, that last nap had finally released the hangover he'd been holding back all day. His head was killing him and his stomach burned.

However the horrible ache of missing Casey was completely relieved. He was amazed by how free his limbs and lungs finally felt.

Casey was standing over him—his plaid sheet wrapped around her body. She looked kind of pissed off, "They're home, you idiot."

He became aware of the sounds coming from the floor below him—his parents always came in the back way so they wouldn't have seen where Casey's suitcase had taken a death dive at the bottom of the stairs.

"I better go down there first to settle things with my mom," she was biting at her thumb nail and ignoring him—talking mostly to herself. "I guess you can stay up here for now."

He found a pair of boxers on the floor and stood up. _So not a good idea._ "I feel like shit," he groaned and let his forehead drop to her shoulder, slid his arms around her waist. "Can't we just stay up here a while longer?"

"Yeah. I got that. What exactly did you DO last night?"

He looked a little sheepish for a second and she narrowed her eyes at him. "I got kind of drunk…"

"And…"

"Actually I got really, really drunk." Umm… _Not use how to play this._ Every cell in his body screamed at him to lie to her. _But I don't even know for sure what I'd be lying about? And she always knows when I lie._ He changed tactics, "But I got a scholarship—University of Toronto?" he smiled at her.

Her face glowed in response. "University of Toronto?! Oh, Derek!" she threw her arms around his neck and squeezed. _So not helping the hangover._ But he closed his eyes and leaned into her.

A knock on Derek's bedroom door made both of them pull back abruptly.

"Casey?" Lizzie's voice was on the other side. Derek sighed and Casey gulped.

"Coming.." Her voice shook so Derek frowned at her. _We're not doing the chicken thing again, right? _She seemed resolved not to take any steps backwards either though. She lifted her head, composed, and threw the door open.

Lizzie stood in the hallway with the outfit Casey had flown home in. And, Derek could see that Edwin had retrieved the giant suitcase at the bottom of the stairs and dragged it up to her room. Ed peeked over Lizzie's shoulder to smile at Casey. "I knew you would come," he smiled.

Casey gave a grateful nod to both Ed and her sister and then shut Derek's door to dress.

Derek yanked on some jeans and pulled a t-shirt over his head. _How could his brother have been so certain that Casey would come back?_ "What was that, Edwin said to you?" he asked her. It was strange—she had been away and his world had been so gray and bleak that he didn't even recognize himself.

Now she was back and Derek fell back into his previous self like there had never been any break at all. _Not that he would let her go downstairs alone—the way she was apparently planning. _

She tucked in her shirt and tilted her head at him, bit her lip.

"Just say it, Case."

"He snuck on your computer and wrote me an email—he was worried about you." She looked at him now like she was worried about him.

He couldn't meet her eyes. "It was really hard for me." His voice had that thick feeling to it again. He hated when it got like that. He dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. His head was killing him. "I was mad at you."

He needed to tell her about last night—he might not have done anything with Sally—he couldn't remember—but he didn't want to lie. That was who he used to be. He didn't want to be the same jerk who had used Beth for sex, who had slept with random girls at parties and forgotten their names. He couldn't go back to being that person now even if he did want to—he needed more—he needed her.

"I know you were mad," her voice was steady and firm but quiet. Still, he couldn't look at her.

"I did a lot of …" he wasn't sure what to say next. _Things I'm ashamed of? Things that I can't imagine doing when I have you here? _"Last night…I might have…" _but she was the one who had left him!—let her mother come between them…_Did he really owe her an apology or did she owe him one?

"It doesn't matter, Derek." He could barely hear her over his own thoughts. _What should I say? Should I really tell her about Sally? I can't lose her._

" I don't want you to think something worse than what it was.." He cleared his throat, "I don't…" He tried again, "It didn't…" _He couldn't seriously be about to blow it forever with her right now? Could he?!_ "I can't remember much of what I did, so I don't know for sure…"

She was shaking her head at him. "I know you, Derek. I know why you did, whatever you did."

"Well, that makes one of us…" he grumbled but he was searching her eyes. "I can't lose you, Casey."

She wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry that I caved like that. It won't happen again."

He nodded. She was crying but he didn't mind so much. She was in his arms. She was his. _Edwin had snuck into his room to email her?_ And she came back. _God, had he really been that bad?_ He needed to say something else. She wasn't the only one at fault here.

"I'll try to be stronger too—I fell apart without you here—and even before—I treated everything from the past and everyone around us like a…threat."

She sniffed and smiled at him. She had that wide-eyed heartfelt completely goofy look on her face. That expression used to drive him to act like the devil around her. He used to want to wipe that look off her face and crush whatever inspired it. That kind of unabashed honesty was too good for any world he could imagine himself living in. And, it had irked him to no end.

But now he lived in that world. _Because of her._ He found what he wanted to say, "I love you, Casey. I've loved you for a long time. It can really get to a guy, you know? Make him crazy?" he sighed, a little disgusted with himself. "That's the best excuse I have."

She laughed and nodded, but she was still crying.

"Ready for this?" he motioned with his head to the door—their parents were waiting downstairs for an unpleasant surprise.

She looked afraid but still determined, "Yes."

"I'll be right behind you," he told her.

. . . . . . . .

The next day at school was surreal in many ways for Casey. First of all, she had been gone for three weeks; so it was strange to just stroll back through the halls like nothing had happened. Second, she was strolling those halls with Derek. Somehow, her step-brother had managed to transcend even his own rock star popularity in the school, now that he had signed with U of Toronto—the big article in the paper and with local television coverage had certainly helped out too.

Casey had only shaken her head at the story in the paper—_he did look awfully cute in the picture despite the fact he wasn't smiling. _ But hearing about the television coverage was really too much. She'd listened to him tell her about it with her arms folded over her chest and a disgruntled look on her face.

"Jealous Case?"

"Disgusted is more like it! First you get a FULL scholarship—even though your grades are probably in the lower half of the entire student body and now the news paints you out to be a hero for being able to knock a puck around on the ice."

"Yep, you're jealous."

"I want to strangle you."

"Kinky. Have you been reading my Penthouse magazine—because I'm pretty sure I never taught you anything like…"

"Der-rek!" she'd leaned away from him on the couch to check for parents while he'd sat back and laughed at her in that incredibly annoying way of his. When she'd turned to glare at him she amended that to incredibly annoying "and sexy" way.

_He had let her take the lead downstairs to talk with their parents. She had to be the one to do this and he knew it. But it was hard for him to watch. Going up against the world didn't come quite so naturally to her as it did to him. He'd stood behind her with his arms crossed over his chest. _

_This time, she could tell, they ALL could tell, Derek was sooo not letting things end any other way than the way HE wanted them. _

_But he hadn't needed to intervene-- She stayed strong. _

_It helped a lot, with her mom, that Derek now had a fancy scholarship going for him. _

"_I really feel that you are far too young to be making decisions for your future based on a high school romance—however you had wanted to accept University of Toronto even before any of this…mess."_

"_It isn't a mess to me, Mom." _

_Derek had beamed at Casey after she said THAT. But she also caught the slightly more spiteful and triumphant smile he later turned towards her mother._

_She didn't get on him for it though. Nora deserved to eat crow for at least a little while. _

The last reason that the day was so completely surreal for Casey was the minor detail that she was HOLDING HANDS in the school hallways with said, step-brother. They were totally out of the closet—so to speak.

It was going over—fairly well.

In chemistry Max just gave her a blank expression and a nod when she first walked in the room. He didn't look hopeful or sad anymore, and those were pretty much the only expressions she had seen him wear before she had been sent to New York. Amy, on the other hand, stared like Casey had grown two heads.

Casey had worked far enough ahead and understood enough of the class by just using the book for three weeks. The teacher felt like she could just jump back in and be able to do the current lab with the rest of the class.

She was rinsing out her slides and beakers when Amy and Max finally approached her—they didn't have anything to rinse themselves, Casey noticed_. I guess this is purely social then?_ She smirked—a bad habit she'd picked up from Derek.

"Hey Max. Hi, Amy" she said. Casey was extremely proud that her voice didn't shake.

"I'm glad you're back, Casey," Max cleared his throat. "Sam, umm, told me that your parents had…sent you away for a while." _Sam HAD?_

At her look, Max decided he better explain. "He told me when it happened. He wanted me to go easy on…or actually to _steer clear_ of …"

"Derek," Casey finished for him. She smiled softly at her ex-boyfriend. "Yeah." That made sense. Derek told her that he hadn't seen his supposed "rival" the entire time she'd been gone. "Thanks for taking his advice, Max." she breathed out –her voice was warm and grateful. "That was a really bad time for him."

Max just stared hard and disapprovingly at her.

Amy seemed unable to hold back any longer—"Casey, I'm so sorry about those things I said about your bro…about Derek in front of you. It wasn't very nice of me to tell you those things. I want you to know that I completely support you...and I'm here for you" _What the hell?_

"Umm…thanks?"

The two of them—apparently feeling that they had said what they had come to say—moved away from her. Amy rubbed at Max's shoulder and then gave him a little hug of support.

_I completely support you?! _

Casey turned to wrap the glass beaker in paper towels before she brought it back to her table.

Amy and Max were already packed up—_must be nice to have a real partner!_ Casey frowned at Caroline. As usual, the other girl had her Ipod turned on and seemed completely oblivious to the activities going on around her.

"Casey?" Amy was back behind her. "You need some help with this?" Everyone had started to leave—Max looked like he was going to hang around to wait – _Oh God! Not for me! Please not for me!_

"Just go on ahead, Max. I'm going to help Casey clean up her stuff," Amy said and Casey breathed a sigh of relief. Amy scowled at the back of Caroline's head as the girl cranked up her Ipod before sauntering out of the classroom, still lost in her own little world.

"She's the worst partner ever!" Amy huffed. Casey just nodded in agreement.

"Hey, Amy, can I ask you about what you said a minute ago? That you completely support…"

Amy smiled conspiratorially at her. "You know—when it was just some guy—maybe Sam—that had taken his place, Max had this crazy idea that he could still win you back." Amy rolled her eyes. "But now that the whole school knows about this star-crossed lovers thing you and Derek have had going on…"

Casey blushed. "Oh it wasn't always going on…"

Amy cut her off though, "But maybe we can just let Max go on thinking that? I mean, the guy was really kind of feeling used at first." Amy made a sarcastic pout when she said it.

_This really is a very mean girl! _Casey couldn't hide the shock that was plain on her face. It was fine though because Amy was too wrapped up in telling her story. "But now, he thinks he's being the bigger person—you know—he's above it. He thinks you and Derek are immoral or something…"

_Immoral – great!_

"But that thing you said," Casey remembered. "You told me that you support me—what was that about?"

"Oh that!" Amy laughed and she looked a little embarrassed. "Well, that was me being the bigger person too. You know," she made quotation marks in the air, "hate the sin and not the sinner".

"Sin?! Sinner?!" Casey sputtered.

"Oh lighten up!" Amy said, exasperated and rolling her eyes. "It got me back with Max, didn't it? That's what I was after."

Casey knew her mouth was hanging open but she couldn't seem to close it. She was speechless.

"So I just wanted to thank you," Amy gave Casey a little hug and smile before sashaying away from her.

Casey found her voice just in time to cough out, "No problem. Any time."

_But really? Sin? _Her brow furrowed in anger, but then she sighed, defeated._ Whatever! _

. . . . . . . . .

Derek waited against the lockers for Casey to come out of Chemistry class. He'd left study hall a little early to get away from Peterson's embarrassing praise.

Now that Derek was signed and everything, the coach seemed to think they were buddies. He wanted Derek to hang out and talk to him. Derek never though he would feel this way; but all the heightened attention was actually making him a little… self-conscious.

He had to stifle his frustration at how long it was taking Casey toget out of there._ Late AGAIN—I am seriously going to LOSE IT on her one of these days for all the constant waiting around I…_

Just as he was about to barge into the classroom and yell at her, Max walked out. The two boys were face to face for the first time since Derek had apologized for hitting him—and subtly spilled the beans about he and Casey at the same time.

_Whoa-Max has a really sour look on his face! _"Hey Max," he said flatly. Derek didn't want that old version of himself to emerge. That version had been constantly on the lookout for the next threat to what he had with Casey.

But she was his. He felt more certain than ever about the two of them—now that she had taken some of the struggle on her shoulders too. This crap in school—what everyone thought—didn't mean anything to him. He'd lived with popularity and a "cool" image long enough to get everything he could out of it. He was done with it.

The important arena for him had always been at home, and he had made peace with his family over his relationship.

It helped a lot, with his dad, that Derek had been such an insufferable asshole the last three weeks without Casey.

"_Well, I'm disgusted and disappointed but I guess it's your lives!" George had finally bellowed at the two of them. " And I don't want to see ANY evidence of ANYTHING other than a normal sibling relationship while you live in this house—both of you." George had been rationing his most disparaging expressions on Derek but he let Casey share the last one before stomping off to the kitchen. _

"_I'm ordering pizza!" George barked to anyone who was listening, and the conversation was officially closed. _

_Lizzie, Edwin and Marti all seemed to magically appear around the time the pizza arrived and it was chaotic business as usual in the Venturi-Mcdonald house. Everyone grateful to leave, the darker Derek and phantom Casey safely in the past. _

_Afterwards, Derek was settled in the recliner—totally stuffed because he'd been inexplicably starving once he started eating—when he noticed that Lizzie was laughing with him at some stupid thing on the television. Not the scared little Lizzie he had gotten used to the last three weeks. _

_And Ed was trying to get them both to change the channel back to a ridiculous David Copperfield special no one else wanted to see. Ed—his little brother who he ribbed mercilessly—but who had risked life and limb to sneak into a total psycho's room and email his…girlfriend. Girlfriend? _

_His eyes met Casey's and he gave her a smirk he might have given her months ago—but without the dopey feeling he always had in his gut when he looked at her these days. _

"You going to stay there or get out of my way?" Max finally huffed out. Derek had to shake himself back into reality to process what the guy had asked him.

Derek smirked. "Oh, I'm going to stay," he sniped back at Max. .

Max rolled his eyes and went around him. "Psycho…" he muttered just loud enough for Derek to hear before he walked away.

In the classroom, Casey was talking to Amy. Casey had her mouth hanging open like whatever Amy was telling her was the most scandalous thing she had ever heard.Knowing what a goody-goody Casey was, just about ANYTHING might qualify as a scandal with her.

_The news camera crew had gotten great footage of him tossing his signing pen to the crowd at Smelly Nelly's and walking to stand beside Sally. It was the cut that played on the televised coverage—George had taped it and Marti had insisted on watching it five times before she went to bed. Casey seemed pretty amused by his celebrity. _

"_Only YOU could pull off throwing the pen into the crowd. Didn't anyone throw it back at you? That's what YOU would have done it had been anyone else trying a diva stunt like that!"_

"_Hey—that's exactly what I was thinking at the time." _

_All five viewings he watched Casey's eyes follow him on the screen as he walked over to stand at Sally's side. Her smile and teasing would falter a little more each time. Finally, he reached over and took her hand in his own. _

_His dad cut his eyes at them, but Derek ignored him. _

_It wasn't until night that he could bring up what he needed to. She'd complained about feeling tired and gone to bed early. He walked into her room and she looked up from the book she was reading. _

"_Should you be in here?" _

"_Yeah. I really should be." He lay down beside her. "Casey…" _

_She interrupted him, "So you and Sally?" he couldn't decipher her emotions from her voice this time. She didn't sound mad or sad—not exactly. _

"_I'm so sorry. I was really drunk and really a mess without you…I don't remember what happened exactly." He closed his eyes and pressed his face to her neck. He felt confident that it wouldn't be the end of them but he hated thinking that he had hurt her. "Tell me that you forgive me, Casey…please…"_

"_Of course I forgive you…" She smoothed back his hair and he looked up at her. "This whole thing has been completely impossible. And I was weak and made it worse for both of us…you should be the one to forgive me."_

_He smirked, "I have a little plan for you to work off your crime actually…" he laughed at her exasperated expression. But then he sobered up fast, "Okay, so I think we're through the worst of it now—how about we scrap the 'don't flaunt it' idea and go more with a 'screw everyone else and their opinion of us'._

_She started to tug at his shirt. "I agree," she said and then licked at the smooth skin of his neck. "Now take off your clothes." _

"Hey Space Case!"

She'd been muttering to herself as she gathered her books, the way she did when she was pissed off about something. When she finally looked up at him, it was with a strangely determined expression.

She took his hand before walking out of the room. He'd never been into the holding hands in the hallway thing but it seemed to make her happy. And it served the needs of their new "screw everyone" policy regarding their relationship.

"You okay, Case?" he tried again.

She smiled at him then. "I'm great." She pulled away from him when they got to her French classroom. "See you at lunch."

_Oh yeah. Lunch…I guess we can sit together now…_He tried to wipe the dopey look off his face when he shrugged back at her. "'Kay." He popped the collar to his jacket –she rolled her eyes at him. _Nope, can't keep the dopey look off after all. What the hell. _ "Later," he breathed. He quickly leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

If anyone stared or gasped, laughed, gagged or made any comment at all

—neither of them noticed.


	12. epilogue

And here is the epilogue !

. . . . . . . . . . .

Derek was slouched in a corner of Smelly Nelly's, one arm lazily stretched across the back of the booth. He'd been sucking back iced cappuccinos all night and still felt like he was about to fall asleep from boredom. Derek dipped his head down to Casey's ear to whisper through gritted teeth, "How did I let you talk me into this?"

She patted his thigh under the table, "So I would agree to go to the Christmas party at Ralph's house with you."

_Oh Yeah. _

"Are you guys talking about Ralph's Christmas party?" Emily enthused from across the table. "Oh Shel, I'm so glad you could be here for the party. This is going to be so much fun," she squealed.

Derek rolled his eyes and got a pinch from Casey. Emily and Sheldon had been feeding each other spoonfuls of a disgusting looking giant caramel sundae—their _second _disgusting caramel sundae—in between rattling on and on about how much they had missed each other.

Or, Emily and Casey would talk about school, chick-movies or clothes.

Oh, and meanwhile, Sheldon badgered him with completely obnoxious and intrusive question about his relationship with Casey:

"So, must be nice to live in the same house with your girlfriend—especially at night. Huh, Derek?"

"Do you still introduce each other as step-brother and step-sister? Hey the two of you don't still THINK of each other like that…or DO you?"

"Guess a lot of girls got really bummed your off the market, Derek. Is it hard for you to just sleep with one person now?"

"Hey, there's that Beth girl I walked in on you with in the boys locker room—she doesn't look very happy to see you…"

_Oh, fuck…_

Derek straightened up in his seat and tugged on a lock of Casey's hair to make her turn towards him. "So maybe we should get going to the party?" He gave the melting sundae a grimace, "If you think that you're done here?"

Things were a lot less friendly with Sally since their night together. At first she had flirted with him even more openly—thinking they had shared some kind of "moment" together on her driveway. But it didn't take long before Sally saw that Casey was back, and that Derek was far from the vulnerable wreck he had been during those horrible three weeks. She didn't talk to him anymore unless it was about scheduling or the tables they were working.

When Sheldon had suggested that the four of them come here on their double-date from hell, he had thought he would be safe from running into her—it was her night off too. But now here she was, _with Beth—perfect_.

"What's the matter?" Casey was watching his expression with worry.

He shook his head and ran a hand down her back. "I'm just ready to go." He pressed his lips to her forehead. If it was him running into different people she had been with, he would be freaking out. He used to be puzzled by her complete absence of romantic jealousy but lately he was just grateful it was something she never seemed to experience.

At one point she had even tried to express guilt over what _he_ had done with Sally.

"_I have to get up." It was one of those rare days that everyone else in their bustling house was out doing their various different activities. They had spent a large portion of the time in bed together, of course. "I have to go to work." _

_Casey yawned and sighed. "I wish you didn't still have to work there." _

_He felt a twinge of the old regret for what had happened while she'd been gone and he had felt so abandoned and angry. "You want me to quit?" But hey, why should he be the one to quit? "You know, technically, I'm Sally's boss. I COULD just fire her…"_

"_What are you talking about? Poor Sally! You can't fire her after what we did!" _

_He sat up to look at her. "Case, are you nuts? What the hell did YOU ever do to her?"_

"_If I wouldn't have caved in to my mom and left…" _

_He smacked his forehead and dropped back to the mattress, exasperated. _

"_Anyway, it isn't the Sally part that I mind. It's just—you have the scholarship and everything now. So, the only reason you need money is to take me out—I feel bad…" _

"_If you want to start paying for all our dates…" he smirked up at her. She narrowed her eyes. "Guess not, then," he said. "Looks like I better go to work. Keep my girl in her Starbucks." He kissed her and got out of the bed. _

"Isn't that Beth Anderson? She graduated two years ahead of us remember?" Emily must have thought she was whispering but all the sugar had made her hyper and loud. Beth and Sally both turned to look at their table.

Emily excitedly waved at them. But the two girls acted like they didn't notice anyone sitting there, except for Derek.

"Okay," Derek picked up the bill and started to dig in his jeans for some cash. "We don't want to get to Ralph's before all the beer is gone." He found a big enough bill and slapped it down on the table.

_Oh fucking hell she's walking over here. _

Derek stood up suddenly and pushed Casey behind him into the corner he'd occupied. He nodded at the approaching girl. "Hey, Beth. How are you doing?"

Beth looked him up and down like she was trying to find the perfect insult to shoot him down with. When she tried to crane her neck around to see Casey, Derek took a step to the side to block her.

Beth smiled then, nasty and knowing.

"You're Casey Macdonald, aren't you?" she said, still trying to crane her neck around Derek. He gritted his teeth. _What the fuck did she think she was doing? _ He hadn't been an asshole about her trying to basically accuse him of rape. He'd kept his mouth shut about the whole thing, even after she had confessed and looked like a total idiot.

Casey stood up behind him. "Yeah?" she sounded completely confused as to why or how this girl could know her name.

Emily must have decided that was an ideal opening in the conversation—

"Oh my Gosh, Beth Anderson! I thought that was you." Beth had been in a league of popularity their sophomore year that Emily obviously considered celebrity-like. "Casey, remember Beth was homecoming queen the first year you came to London?"

Derek had Casey's hand and was starting to edge them out of the booth and towards the door.

"Wait," Beth grabbed hold of Casey's sleeve to stop them. Derek glared at where her hand held the fabric.

"What do you want, Beth?" His voice was harsh enough that the smile dropped off Emily's face. Sheldon slipped an arm around her and pulled her back from where Derek faced Beth.

Derek wasn't playing around any more. Whatever Beth wanted to say to Casey was going to be mean and petty. _Casey doesn't deserve to deal with all the crap I did before we were together._ He took hold of Beth's wrist and pressed a thumb hard into her tendons.

Casey gaped at him. "Derek, stop that!"

Beth let go of Casey's shirt. "Listen to me, Klutzilla," Suddenly, Beth was every inch the popular senior girl she had been, tossing her blond hair over one shoulder. "I don't know what you have going on that made Derek Venturi think he's in love with you, but I DO know all about guys like him. He's not going to stick around for long. Trust me, when everything is said and done, Derek will be on to the next girl and you'll be crying into your pillow like a good little nerd."

Casey looked absolutely shocked at the venom in the other girl. But, in another flash, she was as indignant and affronted as Derek had ever seen her get with him. "You don't know anything about me or us. And, I can tell by what you just said, that you don't know anything about Derek. Why don't you go and sit back down—before you embarrass yourself anymore?" While she was ranting back at the girl Casey had moved to stand between him and Beth.

It was a perfect imitation of the defensive posture he had used to guard her that first couple weeks they had been together.

Beth looked a little surprised that the nerdy sophomore, she remembered Casey as being, had such a hot streak in her. Derek smiled and looked down at the floor. _Well, she wondered what Casey "had going on"… there was a little glimpse of it. _

He pulled Casey out of the restaurant. Emily and Sheldon bounded behind them.

"Oh My God!" Emily wheezed out once they were down the sidewalk a bit. "That was totally intense! Derek, what did you ever do to Beth Anderson?"

Derek sighed and threw his arm around Casey. "Bad stuff, Em…" he glanced at Casey but she only looked back at him with affection in her eyes. "But that's all over now."

When they stopped at The Prince he unlocked the doors and then jogged around to open the door for Casey.

"Wow, Derek. You sure have changed since I moved…" Sheldon was saying, but Emily had pulled the car door shut so Derek couldn't hear the rest of it.

He stopped Casey from getting in the car and pressed his face into her hair and his lips against her ear. "Sheldon got that last part right. I have changed. You know that, right Case?" He had his arms around her tightly enough that she couldn't pull away from him. But she wasn't trying.

"Of course I do," she breathed to him. She turned in his arms so that her face was close to his, their lips touching. "I've known you for three years. I've lived in your house. I love the people you love. I've seen everything—I've known everything. That girl only knew what you showed her," Casey made a sad sigh then, "And you never showed enough."

Derek closed his eyes. His lips still barely against hers. "But now I have you." He could feel her lips move into a smile. He let his tongue glide against her bottom lip.

"Hurry it up you two!" Sheldon had the car door open again.

"Sheldon…" Emily giggled and reached across him to shut it.

Derek groaned and opened the door for Casey. "You're such a gentleman, Derek," she said but her compliment was teasing and sarcastic.

"Well, I know what a princess you always are…"

"I'm NOT a princess. You're just such a pig..."

"Oh right. And I'm the one that devoured that banana split inside…"

"I was starving! If you hadn't eaten way more than your share of pizza…"

Emily and Sheldon shared an eye roll. "I spoke too soon, Em," Sheldon said.

Emily plugged her ears laughing, "Yep, Shel, you did."

. . . . . . . . . . .

7


End file.
